DSU Martin Schenk: I know men like you the way you know men like me, and I know you wouldn't have done this if you believed there was the least chance of it coming back on you. Well, guess what: it's come back on you like the Hand of God, and the next words from your mouth will determine the weight and velocity of the staggering tonnage of shit that's about to plummet onto your head.
Thomas Banacek: If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be orphans working in the mines.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: The future keeps telling us what the past was about. You make the past mean different things by the way you use the time that comes after.
Inspector Grim: It's my arse on the line and I don't want a cock-up!
Deputy Travis Junior: Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you know Jeff Gordon's gonna die.
Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - S1-E2
Cartman: How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?
Sonny Crockett: I get these occasional urges for stability in my life.
Michael Knight: I need ya buddy.
KITT: Right away Michael.
Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.
The Tragedy at Marsdon Manor - S3-E6
Samuel Naughton: Was the accomodation all right?
Hercule Poirot: No, monsieur Naughton. The accomodation was all wrong.
Samuel Naughton: Oh...
Hercule Poirot: The duck-feather pillows. It feels as if the duck are still in them. (00:14:50)
Don Flack: I thought tonight was your night off.
Mac Taylor: My dinner date dumped me for a dead body.
Frank Drebin: We're sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
DCS Christopher Foyle: The uniform suits you.
Andrew Foyle: Thanks. I wish I could say the same about your dressing gown.
Day 6: 6:00 AM - 7:00 AM - S6-E1
Jack Bauer: Do you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing? The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn't want to die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Albert, what the hell were you doing in a church today?
Albert Stroller: Gil Stewart died this afternoon. I was there at the end.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Oh God, I'm so sorry Albert. You two were like brothers.
Albert Stroller: We worked Vegas together. That man was made for bright lights. Poor bastard - died of a stroke in a dental surgery.
Mickey 'Bricks' Stone: Well, someone should sue them.
Albert Stroller: Aye, he was pretending to be the dentist.
[A bomb in Wadsworth's room is seconds from going off, causing the Chancellor to panic].
Chancellor: Please, please let me out. In the name of God, let me out. Let me out! Let me out!
Wadsworth: Yes, Chancellor. In the name of God, I will let you out.
Jim Rockford: Hey, I'm sorry Dad, you just caught me at a bad time. Reading that detective fiction doesn't help. I mean things aren't like that you know? They're not black and white. There aren't any heroes left, they die young [pointing to a book cover]. His gun is deadly? Mine's in a cookie jar.
John Bacchus: You're under arrest.
George Gently: He's under arrest, when I say he is.
Greg Sanders: For the record, I really like having a penis.