Steve Rogers: Is everything a joke to you?
Tony Stark: Funny things are.
Tony Stark: My old man had a philosophy: Peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy.
Christine Everheart: That's a great line coming from the guy selling the sticks.
Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock.
Mr. Rate: Would've been a bad job to take, though.
Nick Memphis: How come?
Mr. Rate: Whoever took that shot's probably dead now. That's how conspiracy works. Them boys on the grassy knoll, they were dead within three hours. Buried in the damn desert. Unmarked graves out past Terlingua.
Nick Memphis: And you know this for a fact?
Mr. Rate: Still got the shovel.
Scott Pilgrim: When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
Goon: What the fuck is this?
[Picks up a bowling ball hesitatingly.]
The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.
Secretary: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
The Phantom: Softly, deftly, music shall carress you. Hear it, feel it, Secretly possess you.
Ebenezer Scrooge: What do you want with me?
Jacob Marley: You will be haunted by three spirits.
Ebenezer Scrooge: I'd rather not.
Roman Pearce: Better hide your baby oil.
Luke Hobbs: Better hide that big-ass forehead.
Ray Stantz: Where do these stairs go?
Peter Venkman: They go up.
Jackie Cogan: My friend, Thomas Jefferson is an American saint because he wrote the words 'All men are created equal', words he didn't believe since he allowed his own children to live in slavery. He's a rich white snob who's sick of paying taxes to the Brits. So, yeah, he writes some lovely words and aroused the rabble and they went and died for those words while he sat back and drank his wine and fucked his slave girl. This guy wants to tell me we're living in a community? Don't make me laugh. I'm living in America, and in America you're on your own. America's not a country. It's just a business. Now fuckin' pay me.
Dynamo: Thought it was pretty funny out there in the zone. What's the matter now, bitch? Why aren't you laughing?
Amber: Because there's nothing funny about a dickless moron with a battery up his ass.
Marty McFly: Calvin? Why do you keep calling me Calvin?
Lorraine Baines: Well, that is your name, isn't it? Calvin Klein? It's written all over your underwear.
Maria: I am not finished yet, Captain!
Captain Von Trapp: Oh yes you are, Captain! Fraulein, you will pack your things this minute and return to the Abbey.
Dominic Toretto: It starts with the eyes. She's gotta have those kind of eyes that can look right through the bullshit, to the good in someone. 20% angel,80% devil. Down to earth. Ain't afraid to get a little engine grease under her fingernails.
Gisele Harabo: That doesn't sound anything like me.
Dominic Toretto: It ain't.
Evelyn: You were actually at Hamunaptra?
Rick: Yeah, I was there.
Evelyn: You swear?
Rick: Every damn day.
Esther: I think people should always try to take the bad things that happen to them in their lives, and turn them into something good. Don't you?
Niki Lauda: A wise man can learn more from his enemies than a fool from his friends.