Mike Lowrey: We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life.
Marcus Burnett: You a virgin?
Reggie: Yes, sir.
Marcus Burnett: Good. Keep it that way. Ain't gonna be no fucking tonight.
Mike Lowrey: You ever made love to a man?
Reggie: No.
Mike Lowrey: You want to?
Mike Lowrey: You know, Dan Marino should definitely buy this car. Well, not this one, 'cause I'm gonna fuck this one up. But he should definitely get one just like it.
Marcus Burnett: Mike, I can't even get an erection. I tried taking Viagra. Popped one, popped two. I've been eating them like Skittles.
Marcus Burnett: My ass still hurts from what you did to it the other night.
Mike Lowrey: Hey, it got rough. We got caught up in the moment, shit got crazy. You know how I get.
Marcus Burnett: When you popped me from behind I think you damaged some nerves.
Mike Lowrey: Now that's how you supposed to shoot! From now on, that's how you shoot! Oh man, I want my next partner to shoot like that. It takes a dysfunctional motherfucker to bust somebody in the head like that. That's some dysfunctional shit! My next partner's gonna invite me to his barbeques and shit, though.
Capt. Howard: 22 cars and a boat, totalled? How did hell you sink a boat?
Mike Lowrey: Motherfucker, I heard the boy say your name Reggie? You wanna be takin' Megan out?
Reggie: Yes, sir?
Mike Lowrey: How old is you?
Reggie: Fifteen.
Mike Lowrey: Shit, ni**a. You at least thirty.
Mike Lowrey: Captain, is it possible we can discuss potential reimbursement...
Capt. Howard: The department doesn't cover personal property, that's why we drive police cars.
Marcus Burnett: I think we just broke the record for the number of gun fights in one week.
Marcus Burnett: You see that?
Mike Lowrey: They throwin' cars! How'd I not see that?
Marcus Burnett: Hey, Mike, I'm just trying to be helpful.
Mike Lowrey: Hey, you'd know what would be fuckin' helpful, Marcus? Just shut the fuck up and let me drive, let's try that!
Capt. Howard: I've got so much brass up my ass that I can play the Star Spangled Banner.
Mike Lowrey: See, that's that new spiritual shit my partner's on. Me? I actually prefer shooting motherfuckers.
Mike Lowrey: It ain't exactly a pool, man. It's like a big-ass puddle wrapped in blue plastic.
Mike Lowrey: Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Floyd Poteet: We've got our rights.
Mike Lowrey: Why don't you exercise your right to shut the fuck up?
Answer: Buick Blackhawk concept car.