Best comedy movie quotes of 2009

Wes Wilson: I'll put in my next book. How does that sound?
Isaac: Like having my balls licked by a porcupine.

Lem: Lem. Llllleeeeeemmmmmm.
Charles Baker: Either your name is Lem, or you want to mate with me. Houston, we have a little problem.

Beckett: Babies like to breathe, and they're good at hiding it. I put a pillow over a baby. I thought she wasn't breathing, but she was. She was sneaky, but I'll try again.

Therapist: It's like a little kid gets a puppy for the first time, just hugs it so much, snaps its neck. It's puppy cradle death syndrome. All that love is gonna snap that puppy.

Javier: Much has been written about the art of bullfighting, but I can sum it up in one sentence: get out of the way of the bull, you idiot! Otherwise he will rip open your anus like it was a cheap velcro wallet.

Seth Rogen: Your love glass is half full.

Irv: I'm not a god. That's just a rumor my mother started.

The Wanderer: Believe me when I say this, these were some evil sons of bitches.

Rose: It's funny because yesterday I couldn't wait to get away and now I never want to leave.
Tony: What happened in between?
Rose: Just enough.

Zach: I think "scat" is poop.
Dan: Really, son?
Zach: Yeah.
Charlie: You wiped poop on my face?
Dan: Yeah. Scat happens, man.

Tommy Frigo: Don't get all drunk and fall asleep.
James Brennan: Why?
Tommy Frigo: 'Cause i'll jack off on your face.

Rob's Mom: Rob? I-I wanna have a little chat with you,.
Rob: Uhh, do we have to?
Rob's Mom: I found this sock? In-in the laundry.
Rob: Oh jeez, Mom put that away.

Tod: Mr. E, I talked to the lawyer guy upstairs and he confirmed my hunch, uh, about the whole stabbing of Mr. Whitefeather thing. It's a definite no can do from a legal standpoint.

Fletch: Hahahahahahahaha! It's got a big metal cock for a handle.

Teddy: Man, this whole town is dead.
Mia: Oh my God. Maybe this is like "The Sixth Sense" and we're the ones who are really dead.
Nadine: You know what, Mia? I've been holding something back all night, so I'm gonna go ahead and say it now: That doesn't make any sense, you stupid bitch.

Mary Horowitz: It's like taking 10 friends on a camping trip.

Cole Black: Hey metalmouth! Got another date with the trashcan.

Nick Twisp and Francois Dillinger: I'm gonna wrap your legs around my head and wear you like the crown that you are.
Nick Twisp and Francois Dillinger: If that's OK with you.

David Santiago: What you do with your life is, really just one half of the equation. The other half, the more important half, really is, who you're with when you're doing it.

Vince Rizzo: Did you sleep outside last night?
Vince Jr.: No, no, no. I did heroin with a bunch of prostitutes at the Plaza Hotel. I'm thinking of becoming a pimp.
Vince Rizzo: Good. I'll see you later.