Steve Jones: I want you to come join me in the real world.
Kate Jones: This is my real world.
Seth Rogen: Your love glass is half full.
Wes Wilson: I'll put in my next book. How does that sound?
Isaac: Like having my balls licked by a porcupine.
Lem: Lem. Llllleeeeeemmmmmm.
Charles Baker: Either your name is Lem, or you want to mate with me. Houston, we have a little problem.
Earl Cavender: I like smart girls. That's why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.
Javier: Much has been written about the art of bullfighting, but I can sum it up in one sentence: get out of the way of the bull, you idiot! Otherwise he will rip open your anus like it was a cheap velcro wallet.
Earl Granger: You're not getting smart with me, are you, tea-drinker?
Paul Morgan: You know what I did to the last man who called me that? I stole his crumpet.
Mitch: You know, living at your parents' place isn't exactly... grabbing life by the balls, you know?
Tommy Frigo: Don't get all drunk and fall asleep.
James Brennan: Why?
Tommy Frigo: 'Cause i'll jack off on your face.
Jordy: When I was fifteen years old, when I got this job, I said to myself, "I am going to work here until the day that I kill myself."
Fletch: Hahahahahahahaha! It's got a big metal cock for a handle.
David Santiago: What you do with your life is, really just one half of the equation. The other half, the more important half, really is, who you're with when you're doing it.
TV Reporter: Now, one curious aspect of this case is that the swastikas were drawn backward, indicating either haste or a lack of familiarity with this most infamous of anti-semetic emblems, or perhaps rather more implausibly... that Hindus were involved.