
Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!

Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.

Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.

Max Jerry Horovitz: It would be good if there was a Fat Fairy. She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy but would suck out your fat.

Jennifer: You brought his insulin. I was gonna do it.
Sandino: Well, now you don't have to.
Jennifer: Why are you so nice to us?
Sandino: I don't understand that question.
Jennifer: You nice, why?
Sandino: Why not? You shold expect people to be nice to you. You shouldn't expect people to be mean.
Jennifer: Not in ths world.
Sandino: You get what you expect, right?
Jennifer: I guess.
Sandino: You do a great job with your brothers.
Jennifer: I'm all they got.

Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... Well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.

Larry Daley: This is the Smithsonian! This is the big leagues!

Denis Cooverman: I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
Beth Cooper: Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.
Denis Cooverman: Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.
Beth Cooper: You're funny.

Farhan Qureshi: If I become a photographer? I'll just earn less, right? My home will be small, my car will be small.But, Dad, I'll be happy!I'll be really happy.Whatever I do, I will be doing it from my heart.

Joyce Klaven: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter Klaven: Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter Klaven: Oh come on!

Clerk: [slides card.] Declined.
Rebecca Bloomwood: Can you try again?
Clerk: [slides it again.] Really declined.