Best comedy movie quotes of 2009

Jane: I like a lot of semen, always have.

Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!

Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.

Hutch: Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch!

Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.

Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... Well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.

Akbar: They don't know what they want. They only know what they've had.

Denis Cooverman: I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
Beth Cooper: Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.
Denis Cooverman: Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.
Beth Cooper: You're funny.

Camilla: Some women, Annabelle, are born great: Cleopatra, the queen, me. Some become great, like Mother Teresa or Lady Gaga. Others have greatness thrust upon them, like Monica Lewinsky.

Rancho: These engineers are very smart sir, they didn't invent a machine which can measure the pressure on the brain. If they had, we would have come to know that this was not a suicide but a Murder.

Rev. Charlie Jackson: I talked to God a lot about you over the years. He said He broke the mold when He made you. He said you're sure entertainin' to watch, but way too much trouble.

Blanche Gunderson: And that's okay? It's okay to pull the rug out from under folks as long as it's nobody that you know? It's okay because we're just silly podunk Minnesotans, right? We talk funny and we ice-fish and we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular conversation. We're not cool like you, right? So we don't matter.

Babs Merrick: If he pulls this one off, I'll eat my own pussy.

Emma: Your wedding's gonna be huge, just like your ass at prom.
Liv: Your wedding can suck it.

Mr. Fox: Mole! What d'you got?
Mole: I can see in the dark.
Mr. Fox: We can use that. Rabbit?
Rabbit: I'm fast.
Mr. Fox: Badger?
Badger: Demolitions expert.
Mr. Fox: What? Since when?

Larry Daley: This is the Smithsonian! This is the big leagues!

Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I can talk. Squirrel!.My master is good and smart.
Carl: It's not possible!
Dug: It is, because my master is smart.

Mr. James Dowd: Everything you're ashamed of, all the parts of yourself that you keep secret, everything you want to change about yourself - it's who you are. That's your power. Deny it and you're nothing.

Needy Lesnicky: I thought you only murdered boys.
Jennifer Check: I go both ways.