Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.
Natalie Keener: He broke up with me by text message.
Ryan Bingham: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.
Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.
Denis Cooverman: I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
Beth Cooper: Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.
Denis Cooverman: Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.
Beth Cooper: You're funny.
Felix Bush: There are a whole lot of things you don't know. Like what a, ya know, a dog dreams. You can make up a story about him chasing rabbits. But you don't know if there's rabbits in there or not. And he can't tell you now, can he? People don't say what they mean, either, so you don't know anymore about them than you do about that dog's dream.
Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I can talk. Squirrel!.My master is good and smart.
Carl: It's not possible!
Dug: It is, because my master is smart.
Max Jerry Horovitz: People often think I am tactless and rude. I cannot understand how being honest can be improper. Maybe this is why I don't have any friends.
Deputy Winston: Wanna know what kinda pussy you gonna get for this? Oh man, you're gonna get the Sashimi.
Toby: What's that?
Deputy Winston: Man, that's the Primo Pussy, man. No smell.
Blanche Gunderson: And that's okay? It's okay to pull the rug out from under folks as long as it's nobody that you know? It's okay because we're just silly podunk Minnesotans, right? We talk funny and we ice-fish and we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular conversation. We're not cool like you, right? So we don't matter.
Angus: What about this? What about this situation right here? Can't fuck your way out of this one, can you Mark?
Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... Well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.
Babs Merrick: If he pulls this one off, I'll eat my own pussy.
Jennifer: You brought his insulin. I was gonna do it.
Sandino: Well, now you don't have to.
Jennifer: Why are you so nice to us?
Sandino: I don't understand that question.
Jennifer: You nice, why?
Sandino: Why not? You shold expect people to be nice to you. You shouldn't expect people to be mean.
Jennifer: Not in ths world.
Sandino: You get what you expect, right?
Jennifer: I guess.
Sandino: You do a great job with your brothers.
Jennifer: I'm all they got.
Akbar: They don't know what they want. They only know what they've had.
Farhan Qureshi: If I become a photographer? I'll just earn less, right? My home will be small, my car will be small.But, Dad, I'll be happy!I'll be really happy.Whatever I do, I will be doing it from my heart.