Best comedy movie quotes of 2009

Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!

Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.

Bruce: If you look at it, dogs have three basic needs. That's - that's eatting, sleeping, peeing and pooping.
Andi: That's four.
Bruce: No, I think peeing and pooping is one.
Heather: Uh, I've stepped in both and I have to disagree.

Natalie Keener: He broke up with me by text message.
Ryan Bingham: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.

Hutch: Nobody calls Han Solo a bitch!

Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.

Farhan Qureshi: If I become a photographer? I'll just earn less, right? My home will be small, my car will be small.But, Dad, I'll be happy!I'll be really happy.Whatever I do, I will be doing it from my heart.

Rev. Charlie Jackson: I talked to God a lot about you over the years. He said He broke the mold when He made you. He said you're sure entertainin' to watch, but way too much trouble.

Joyce Klaven: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter Klaven: Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter Klaven: Oh come on!

Blanche Gunderson: And that's okay? It's okay to pull the rug out from under folks as long as it's nobody that you know? It's okay because we're just silly podunk Minnesotans, right? We talk funny and we ice-fish and we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular conversation. We're not cool like you, right? So we don't matter.

Clerk: [slides card.] Declined.
Rebecca Bloomwood: Can you try again?
Clerk: [slides it again.] Really declined.

Babs Merrick: If he pulls this one off, I'll eat my own pussy.

Rabbi Nachtner: Sy Ableman was a serious man.

Emma: Your wedding's gonna be huge, just like your ass at prom.
Liv: Your wedding can suck it.

Phillip Morris: Enough romance. Let's fuck.

Carol: Everyone with their little perspective. Perspective shuts out the universe, it keeps the love out.

Mr. Fox: Mole! What d'you got?
Mole: I can see in the dark.
Mr. Fox: We can use that. Rabbit?
Rabbit: I'm fast.
Mr. Fox: Badger?
Badger: Demolitions expert.
Mr. Fox: What? Since when?

Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I can talk. Squirrel!.My master is good and smart.
Carl: It's not possible!
Dug: It is, because my master is smart.

Max Jerry Horovitz: It would be good if there was a Fat Fairy. She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy but would suck out your fat.

Angus: What about this? What about this situation right here? Can't fuck your way out of this one, can you Mark?