Connor Mead: Love is magic comfort food for the weak and uneducated!
Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.
Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... Makes me think of your vagina.
Max Jerry Horovitz: It would be good if there was a Fat Fairy. She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy but would suck out your fat.
Angus: What about this? What about this situation right here? Can't fuck your way out of this one, can you Mark?
Deputy Winston: Wanna know what kinda pussy you gonna get for this? Oh man, you're gonna get the Sashimi.
Toby: What's that?
Deputy Winston: Man, that's the Primo Pussy, man. No smell.
Jennifer: You brought his insulin. I was gonna do it.
Sandino: Well, now you don't have to.
Jennifer: Why are you so nice to us?
Sandino: I don't understand that question.
Jennifer: You nice, why?
Sandino: Why not? You shold expect people to be nice to you. You shouldn't expect people to be mean.
Jennifer: Not in ths world.
Sandino: You get what you expect, right?
Jennifer: I guess.
Sandino: You do a great job with your brothers.
Jennifer: I'm all they got.
Larry Hooper: Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure prostitutes...
Bill Django: That's a lie!
Larry Hooper: ...and to get drugs for himself and his men.
Bill Django: That... Well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.
Larry Daley: This is the Smithsonian! This is the big leagues!
Akbar: They don't know what they want. They only know what they've had.
Mr. James Dowd: Everything you're ashamed of, all the parts of yourself that you keep secret, everything you want to change about yourself - it's who you are. That's your power. Deny it and you're nothing.
Denis Cooverman: I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
Beth Cooper: Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.
Denis Cooverman: Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.
Beth Cooper: You're funny.
Farhan Qureshi: If I become a photographer? I'll just earn less, right? My home will be small, my car will be small.But, Dad, I'll be happy!I'll be really happy.Whatever I do, I will be doing it from my heart.
Camilla: Some women, Annabelle, are born great: Cleopatra, the queen, me. Some become great, like Mother Teresa or Lady Gaga. Others have greatness thrust upon them, like Monica Lewinsky.
Joyce Klaven: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter Klaven: Thank you fiancee.
Oswald Klaven: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter Klaven: Oh come on!
Rev. Charlie Jackson: I talked to God a lot about you over the years. He said He broke the mold when He made you. He said you're sure entertainin' to watch, but way too much trouble.
Clerk: [slides card.] Declined.
Rebecca Bloomwood: Can you try again?
Clerk: [slides it again.] Really declined.