Best comedy movie quotes of 2004

Addie Singer: Ever since Ben's Bar Mitzvah, he's been trying to make everything a right of passage.

Lola: Here's what I learned: when you're happy, the whole world's New York. And that dreams are important. Someday, when you're not even looking, they find you.
Lola: It was the first time I realised that absolute reality could be so much more fun than fantasy.

Lars: What happened to the Jacuzzi?

Carl Colt: [Enters betting shop.] Twenty pounds to win, Ajay Bhatt.
Vijay: Hold on, isn't he playing your brother?
Bookmaker: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Carl Colt: Yeah, but curiously, I'm not.

Young African American male in Michigan: And I was watchin' TV one day, 'and they're showin' like some of the buildings and areas that had been hit by bombs and things like that, and while I watchin' I got to thinkin' like', "There's parts of Flint that look like that, and we ain't been in a war."

Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God.

Scott: "To catch a husband is an art. To hold him is a job." - Simone de Beauvoir.

Luke: That's it, ladies, show me your navels.

Oz: What, no Jewish prayer before we have our ham and cheese?
Jimmy: You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz? Do unto others before you turn into a pillar of salt.
Jill: Exactly. Unless they're a rat. Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
Oz: A pillar of salt?
Jimmy: That's right. Moses said that. Read the bible, Oz.

Bishop73

Jordan Cahill: You can't blame the location, you can only blame yourself. The suburbs are just a state of mind.

Helicopter Pilot: I just love the smell of summer camp in the evening.

Morgan Spurlock: My body... officially hates me.

Mr. Rad: Get yo' head up. You lost the money, it's gone. But, you can't lay around in yo' misery too long. Do not walk outta' this place and start to second guess yo' talent. You got yo' ass whooped tonight. But, I done seen y'all whoop a many a ass, right in the same place. Now, you lost. Lemme tell you somethin' my father told me, is: "If it don't kill you, it makes you stronger." Remember that.

Lalita Bakshi: You should be stirring your husband's dinner not trouble.

Mark: So this is it.
Andrew Largeman: So knock... knock and barter for Desert Storm trading cards.
Mark: Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.

John Henry 'Jack' Armstrong: What is that?
Alex Guerrero: It's a turkey baster. You're not poking that thing inside me, I don't do dick.
Fatima Goodrich: Don't look at me, I want it the old fashioned way.

Penny Travis: Is there such a thing as the human heart, now there's the better question.
Tim Travis: Well, if you listen closely, you can hear 'em breaking.

Albert Markovski: No, I'm not. I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.

Damian Cunningham: I thought it was from God... who else would have that kind of money?

Customer Muhammed: Terri... what you need is a real man. A Muslim man.