Ramtha: Do I think you're bad? I don't think you're bad. Do I think you're good? I don't think you're good either. I think you're God.
Jack: If they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
Miles Raymond: No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot.
Oz: What, no Jewish prayer before we have our ham and cheese?
Jimmy: You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz? Do unto others before you turn into a pillar of salt.
Jill: Exactly. Unless they're a rat. Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
Oz: A pillar of salt?
Jimmy: That's right. Moses said that. Read the bible, Oz.
Mark Wiener: People always end up the way they started out. No one ever changes. They think they do, but they don't. If you're the depressed type now, that's the way you'll always be. If you're the mindless, happy type, that's the way you'll be when you grow up. You might lose some weight, your face might clear up, get a body tan, a breast enlargement, a sex change - makes no difference. Essentially... from in front, or from behind... whether you're thirteen or fifty, you'll always be the same.
Carla: Girlfriends, big or small, thin or fat, worship that body, it's the only one you've got.
Gawain MacSam: Would you tell this muthafucka he can sew this shit back on? It's like that dude whose wife cut his dick off, threw it on the freeway? She just called Triple A, they towed the dick and sewed the muthafucka back on. Listen up, jackass, I saw the muthafucka in a porno, the thang still worked, it looked like a chewed-up frank, but that little muthafucka be workin' that muthafucka. It's mangly, but he be fuckin' the bitch all kind of ways with a twisted dick.
Katherine Warshaw: Go on. Run away just like your father.
Tommy Warshaw: He didn't run away, Mom. He died.
Marni Potts: You're the towel girl. It's an honor.
Janice: How is it an honor?
Marni Potts: Well let's just say there is no towel girl, say Greg hoisted Tina up into a cupie, and there is no-one to towel off his sweaty hands, Tina slips, Tina falls and lands on her spinal chord and spends the rest of her life doing watercolors with her teeth. Do you want that to happen?
Janice: I guess not.
Marni Potts: I didn't think so.
Addie Singer: Ever since Ben's Bar Mitzvah, he's been trying to make everything a right of passage.
Young African American male in Michigan: And I was watchin' TV one day, 'and they're showin' like some of the buildings and areas that had been hit by bombs and things like that, and while I watchin' I got to thinkin' like', "There's parts of Flint that look like that, and we ain't been in a war."
Zenon Kar: That's ridiculous. You're not old until you hit 30.
Proto Zoa: I'm 31.
Jenny: Aren't you bringing any weapons?
Lars Bronkhorst: I have all the weapons I need.
Putman Livingston: Piss on that! I'm bringing a ma-she-tay.
Scott: "To catch a husband is an art. To hold him is a job." - Simone de Beauvoir.
Helicopter Pilot: I just love the smell of summer camp in the evening.
Ollie: Why don't you go get yourself a boyfriend?
Maya: Why don't you go get yourself a girlfriend?
Ollie: I spend all day working and spend all night with my kid.
Maya: So you would rather spend time with your daughter than get laid?
Ollie: Yeah.
Maya: That's sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you, Trinke.