Best comedy movie quotes of 2004

Mushu: I just got some exfolitating cream in my eye.

Mrs. Peatree: Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke?"Let's divert federal resources and man hours so I can have my collegiate lesbian fling in style."
Amy: I was doing research.
Mrs. Peatree: I'll bet.

Ralph Walker: Father Hibbert.
Father George Hibbert: What is it Mr. Walker?
Ralph Walker: Producing a miracle is possible?
Father George Hibbert: Like flying to the moon is possible, but it's never going to happen.

Greg: That's right, I quit too.
Tina Hammersmith: Greg you'll lose your cheerleading scholarship.
Greg: That's right, I'm stayin here! But under a cloud of shame.

Lola: Here's what I learned: when you're happy, the whole world's New York. And that dreams are important. Someday, when you're not even looking, they find you.
Lola: It was the first time I realised that absolute reality could be so much more fun than fantasy.

Frank Pizzarro: What is this?
Jack Ryan: What's what?
Frank Pizzarro: Dude, this is $200. You said we made six.
Jack Ryan: Right, yeah, but $200 is your cut, cause that's the going rate for hiding in the truck.

Tom: So, let's step on the gas and kick some... butt.

Helicopter Pilot: I just love the smell of summer camp in the evening.

Mr. Rad: Get yo' head up. You lost the money, it's gone. But, you can't lay around in yo' misery too long. Do not walk outta' this place and start to second guess yo' talent. You got yo' ass whooped tonight. But, I done seen y'all whoop a many a ass, right in the same place. Now, you lost. Lemme tell you somethin' my father told me, is: "If it don't kill you, it makes you stronger." Remember that.

Sam: Nobody ever suspects the fun police.

Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex." Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?

Soren: The chances of a relationship between yourself and Miss Paige are not promising. You two are of a completely different caliber.
Eddie: Soren, just cause she isn't royalty doesn't mean she's not important.
Soren: The higher caliber I was referring to, sir, was hers.

Customer Muhammed: Terri... what you need is a real man. A Muslim man.

Oz: What, no Jewish prayer before we have our ham and cheese?
Jimmy: You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz? Do unto others before you turn into a pillar of salt.
Jill: Exactly. Unless they're a rat. Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
Oz: A pillar of salt?
Jimmy: That's right. Moses said that. Read the bible, Oz.

Bishop73

Gawain MacSam: Would you tell this muthafucka he can sew this shit back on? It's like that dude whose wife cut his dick off, threw it on the freeway? She just called Triple A, they towed the dick and sewed the muthafucka back on. Listen up, jackass, I saw the muthafucka in a porno, the thang still worked, it looked like a chewed-up frank, but that little muthafucka be workin' that muthafucka. It's mangly, but he be fuckin' the bitch all kind of ways with a twisted dick.

G: Who's taking care of your kids?
Lonnie: Jesus.

Daryl Isaacs: You're sick, and you're making yourself sick, and you can make yourself unsick by stopping doing what you're doing.

Zenon Kar: That's ridiculous. You're not old until you hit 30.
Proto Zoa: I'm 31.

Young African American male in Michigan: And I was watchin' TV one day, 'and they're showin' like some of the buildings and areas that had been hit by bombs and things like that, and while I watchin' I got to thinkin' like', "There's parts of Flint that look like that, and we ain't been in a war."

Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.