Guo Yi: You know, Okwe, good at chess usually means bad at life. You do realise that she's in love with you, don't you? I've been with her 20 minutes, and I know it. But then, I'm bad at chess.
Corny: You got any interest in reading the Bible?
Justine: I have my own, you know, beliefs.
Corny: Well, we don't preach fire and brimstone. 10 Commandments, gotta live by those. Other than the usual ways, we're not interested in scaring people. We're about loving Jesus.
Justine: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I kind of like my nights to myself.
Corny: Well, maybe you'll have night after night of eternal hellfire all to yourself. Just kidding you. Drive safe. Bye-bye.
John: We've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in an overworked marching band.
Khamtay: Why would you buy me those?
Jeffrey Dahmer: Because I like to do nice things for people. Makes me feel good about myself.
Khamtay: Are you some kind of nut?
Jeffrey Dahmer: That's sad.
Khamtay: What?
Jeffrey Dahmer: That we've gotten to a point where doing nice things for people is considered insane.
Michelle Bain: I believe that secular entertainment is one of the biggest tools that Satan uses to mislead people.
Marvin Bonds: Give Hitler's cousin his lunch.
Suzette: Ever heard of Frank Zappa?
Harry: Sure. The Mothers of Invention.
Suzette: Wow. Very good Harry. Well, he named us. The Banger Sisters.
Harry: But you weren't really sisters.
Suzette: No.
Harry: Good 'cause I wouldn't have been comfortable if you were sisters.
Suzette: You're not comfortable now, Harry.
Rosa Louise McCauley Parks: Why do you always push us around?
Bunny: Igby, I could just eat you with a spoon.
Igby: Don't.
Johnny: Are you in love with her?
Mateo: No... I'm in love with you. And I'm in love with your beautiful woman. And I'm in love with your kids. And I'm even in love with your unborn child. I'm even in love with your anger! I'm in love with anything that lives.
Max Rothman: I've seen the future. Believe me, it came straight at us. There's no future in the future.
Tate: I killed my grandfather, because he is a cheater who likes to tell war stories, and I killed my grandmother because she's a passive-aggressive bitch who doesn't respect my privacy.
Medical Examiner: Give me a break, I had to jerk off twice this morning just to get my heart started.
Samantha Harper: You're thinking about the cop, aren't you?
Katie Burke: Maybe.
Samantha Harper: Okay, visualize this with me. You're down in New York consulting with Lou Gerstner or the head of GE telling them how to buy South American countries but on the weekends, you fly back up here to hang out with the cop, do cop things, maybe go to cop mixers.
Katie Burke: I like the cop.
Samantha Harper: Yeah, um, I can see that.
Barry: My sister's a liar. I have to go to the bathroom.
Sgt. David Tate: Don't call me 'sir', all right? I'm a sergeant, I work for a living.
Rod: I've been waiting for you.
Heather: How long have you been here?
Rod: Not long... Five thousand years.
Heather: Okay, that's long.