Tony Wilson: Jazz is the last refuge of the untalented. Jazz musicians enjoy themselves more than anyone listening to them does.
Rachael's Mom: Sweet Jesus, it smelled like someone died in here.
Val: For me, the nicest thing about masturbation is afterward, the cuddling time.
Vijay: You have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, what more do you want?
Ramu Gupta: I want what you promised.
Toula Portokalos: Why?.. Why do you love me?
Ian Miller: Because I came alive when I met you.
John: We've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in an overworked marching band.
Emilio: How can I thank you?
Longfellow Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man.
Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars?
Longfellow Deeds: Alright.
Emilio: Done.
Jimmy Tong: That's definitely not a rental.
Detective Mitch Preston: Get that camera out of here.
Trey Sellars: Keep that camera right where it is.
Professor Utonium: ...and I'll name you Buttercup, because... it also begins with a b.
Steve Irwin: That was a close one.
Harlan: There's no way you're telling me that thing back there is from Earth.
Chris McCormick: All right! They're spiders from Mars! You happy?
Harlan: No.
Pero: Please, your honor I'm here to confess. That man is innocent. Your honor I can no longer live with the guilt. It was me who was stealing that car, I confess. My brother Cosimo, Saint Cosimo as he's known on the streets, was only trying to stop me. And I told him, 'Cosimo, I need to steal this car, I'm a car thief, I steal cars... by myself.'.
Marco Zuluaga: Love is the saddest thing when it goes away, as a song by Jobim goes.