Best comedy movie quotes of 2002

Detective Mitch Preston: Why did you want to be a cop, anyway?
Trey Sellars: Because I was a shitty waiter.

Catherine: Oh, eww, this arugal is so bitter! It'l like my algebra teacher on my bread.

Amber: What have you done to me?
Guiseppe: What you needed doing to you. Don't you like it?
Amber: It's okay.

Tony Wilson: I'm being postmodern, before it's fashionable.

Rachel Bitterman: You are very fit for a plus sized pig.
Miss Piggy: And you will not look good with a plus sized lip.

Pero: Please, your honor I'm here to confess. That man is innocent. Your honor I can no longer live with the guilt. It was me who was stealing that car, I confess. My brother Cosimo, Saint Cosimo as he's known on the streets, was only trying to stop me. And I told him, 'Cosimo, I need to steal this car, I'm a car thief, I steal cars... by myself.'.

Val: You know, I would kill for this job, but the people I want to kill are the people offering me the job.

Mr. Burke: Shaun! I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A.

Milan: One guy can't take two on, except in the movies.

Nick Portokalos: I've never seen my sister this happy, Ian. If you hurt her, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident.

Buttercup: Get your hands off him, you darn dirty ape.

Eleanor Duvall: Hey, look! He already stole something.
Davey: It's a letter from my parents.
Eleanor Duvall: Well why don't you go live them?
Davey: They died.
Eleanor Duvall: My bad.

Longfellow Deeds: Crazy Eyes.
Crazy Eyes: Hey, Deeds.
Longfellow Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.
Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.

Eddie: This is football we're talking about here, which you call bananas and you're reluctant to play it. But you play baseball, the World Series. You've won every year, America's won every year in that. Well done America.

Dave: Your mama's got no teeth and that's perfect for her line of work.

Lenka: Mr. Turner, it's so glad to have you back so soon.
Jake Hayes: Thank you, Lepenka, I hope you haven't given up my room.
Lenka: Certainly not, sir.
Jake Hayes: This is beautiful.
Gaylord Oaks: Her name is Lenka. You just called her Lepenka, which means cardboard.

Nadine: I read somewhere once that everything in life happens in threes. And that there are two kinds of people, the ones that think three's the charm and the ones that think in three strikes you're out.

Alan A. Allen: I am an inventor, Patrick. An inventor of machines.