Jake: Just how I like 'em... all big and big-like.
Agent K: Is that standard?
Agent J: No it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.
Jonah: Something touched me.
Snowbell: You've got guts, kid! And you've got spunk! Not to mention moxy! You've got guts, spunk, and moxy.
Pistachio Disguisey: Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club. Turtle, turtle, turtle.
Catherine: Suzon, I forgot one thing. I heard a strange sound. I looked through Augustine's keyhole, and I saw her standing at the mirror with something shiny. I thought nothing of it, but now I'm sure she was sharpening a knife.
Augustine: You liar! I was holding my mother-of-pearl comb and cleaning it.
Gaby: At 3:00 am?
Augustine: Combs never sleep.
Kaylee: In order to get what we need, we are talking complete physical and psychoemotional breakdown, people! I want to see a broken man. I'm talking like, "Oh, I just threw a baseball through your window" broken. Snap him like a twig! Squeeze him like a bug! I want you to turn him into mincemeat! And I don't even know what mincemeat is! I want him to scream for his mommy! WAH! WAH! Mommy, mommy, mommy! Do you hear me, people? Do you read me? Cause I don't really think you understand!
Jason: I think they read you.
Kaylee: Fair enough.
Charlie Kaufman: To begin... To begin... How to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. Okay, so I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana-nut. That's a good muffin.
Ali G: Sorry I iz late, bu dere was a documentry on about monkeys.
Tracey Reynolds: Calvin, I think you should stick to basketball. You know why? You can't rap.
Maria Portokalos: I gave you life so that you could live it.
Carla: Everything here is by the book.
Kelly Collins: Thanks for the warning Carla, but I would really like to try and retain my individuality around here.
Trailer Trash Thumb: A lot of kids were disappearing in the woods, all mysterious like. And people thought it might be... David Copperfield. In a stage show, he took a llama and put it in a box. He closed the box and spinned it around. He opened up the box. There's no llama! And you don't see that every day, there's a llama here, llama gone. Llama, no llama. Just chills you to the bones.
Pero: Please, your honor I'm here to confess. That man is innocent. Your honor I can no longer live with the guilt. It was me who was stealing that car, I confess. My brother Cosimo, Saint Cosimo as he's known on the streets, was only trying to stop me. And I told him, 'Cosimo, I need to steal this car, I'm a car thief, I steal cars... by myself.'.
Sister Assumpta: But make no mistake, the culprits will be fingered. I will finger the culprits.
Catherine: Oh, eww, this arugal is so bitter! It'l like my algebra teacher on my bread.
Milan: One guy can't take two on, except in the movies.
Brozzie: I'd offer you a drink, but I don't want you to stay.