Miranda Frayle: I'm absolutely determined that the Countess of Marshwood shall be the longest, and greatest, role I ever played.
Felicity Marshwood: I do hope you won't find it too much of a strain.
Nigel: Mother.
Felicity Marshwood: I do know what I'm talking about. I've played it for years. I find it a good part, but technically rather exhausting.
Florence "Chicklet" Forrest: I've never been to an orgy before. What do I wear?
Steerpike: Why is it that some people starve and others have so much they waste it?
Peter McGowan: Are you drunk or something?
Larry: What time is it?
Peter McGowan: Four.
Larry: Yep.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Kate: I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective.
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.
Al: You make me feel alive.
Dot: The guys paid a dollars apiece to find out if you're single.
Lydia Callahan: Tell the guys I have five husbands, each one rich, mean and jealous. I'll be rotatin' them through on a weekly basis.
Dot: That line will be all over the valley by breakfast.
Lydia Callahan: Oh, just tell 'em I own a rifle.
Jim Grover: It's quints.
Dora Diamond: I love self-loathing complaint rock you can dance to.
Ben: Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?
Robert: Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?
Bennett: I once heard someone say: "When you dim your light, so that someone else can shine, the whole world gets darker."
Jack Byrnes: I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.
Minnie Mogul: I can't sign a contract that will help three ruthless villains take over the world. I just can't.
Fearless Leader, Boris, and Natasha: Why not?
Minnie: My pen's out of ink.
Lily, Burnett Stone's granddaughter: Magic Railroad?
Mr. C. Junior: Whatever.
Wesley: Did you have a good time? Did you make a wish? Get in touch with your blackness? Found your Betty... well, at least where she has been hanging out.
Charlie: Where? Where is she?
Wesley: Not telling you.
Charlie: What?
Wesley: Not telling you till you straighten up. Danced around like fucking bo-jangles out there, what the fuck? This has got to stop, and I mean it.
Monica Jones: Melons are like boyfriends. Shall I tell you why? To get a single good one you must one hundred try.