Kevin: I am not your slave.
Elliot Richards: But it's my soul! I can't give you my soul.
The Devil: What are you, James Brown?
Jerry O'Neill: It's got nothing to do with me.
Jerry O'Neill: It all depends on the woman and how willing she is to discover her infinite supply of orgasms.
Dex: Y'know, no-one ever says, "Hey, God, how was your day? What can I do for you, God?" Or, "Hey, God, did you catch Letterman last night?"
Syd: Oh, and I suppose you talk to God like that?
Dex: Always. All the time.
Syd: And what does God say?
Dex: He says, "You know what? I saw Letterman and it sucked."
Stan Fields: Prepare for what promises to be a day of astounding musical, theatrical, and dancing talent. And after I'm finished you can see the ladies.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Chon Wang: We stick together. We are partners.
Roy O'Bannon: That's beautiful.
Bob Rueland: I miss Elizabeth. I'll always miss her. But I ache for Grace.
Frederick Sackville-Bagg: I don't wear the costume of a Shakespearian aristocrat - I am an aristocrat.
Officer Harry Cox: Harry Cox is all over this, sir.
Ben: I've been waiting on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.
Malcolm Turner: Ben, whatever you started in that bed, trust me, you're going to finish alone.
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Lane Leonard: Love isn't about fate and magic bracelets and destiny. It's about finding someone you can stand to be around for 10 minutes at a time.
Grady Tripp: It's been a long time since someone wrote a really good book in jail.
Alex: Oh please, Mom had this talk with me when I was like, 11.
Tommy Pickles: I believe in the playground. It is my favoritest place. But two yesterdays ago two boys came and buried my brother's binky. Then he started to cry.
Dil Pickles: Binky.
Angelica: You have come to me on the day of this wedding for me to take care of two boys?
Tommy Pickles: No, just a new binky.
Renato Amoroso: Signora Malena, a more capable person than me... wrote that the only true love is unrequited love. Now I understand why. It's been so long since you last came out of your house. But the longer we are apart, the stronger my love becomes.
Grandma Klump: Now that's what I call the Muy Caliente El Negro Special.
Mrs. Tingle: Who can tell me if Frankenstein was circumcised?