Renato Amoroso: Signora Malena, a more capable person than me... wrote that the only true love is unrequited love. Now I understand why. It's been so long since you last came out of your house. But the longer we are apart, the stronger my love becomes.
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Mrs. Tingle: Who can tell me if Frankenstein was circumcised?
Regis Philbin: So, I was driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So, I followed him. When he got out of his car, I run up behind this guy and I start bashing his brains in with this bat! Did you ever see The Untouchables? I was DeNiro.
Fred Flintstone: Hey, was that an insult?
Gazoo: Well, if the shoe fits.
Barney Rubble: What's a shoe?
Gazoo: Than I guess it was an insult.
Grady Tripp: It's been a long time since someone wrote a really good book in jail.
Pete: So, uh, what brings you to Australia?
Maddie: Well, I uh, my parents inherited the inn.
Pete: Really? From who?
Maddie: Oh, some dead guy.
Pete: Some dead guy?
Tommy Pickles: I believe in the playground. It is my favoritest place. But two yesterdays ago two boys came and buried my brother's binky. Then he started to cry.
Dil Pickles: Binky.
Angelica: You have come to me on the day of this wedding for me to take care of two boys?
Tommy Pickles: No, just a new binky.
Grandma Klump: Now that's what I call the Muy Caliente El Negro Special.
Kathryn: Two's company. Three's a fuck load of fun.
Sam Tiler: Jack was nimble. Jack was quick. Jack gouged eyes with candlesticks.
Sam Callahan: Do you practice sex with Dothan?
Maurey Pierce: Of course not, silly. He's my boyfriend.
Lily, Burnett Stone's granddaughter: Magic Railroad?
Mr. C. Junior: Whatever.
Hunter: Buddy, if you're lookin' at me for answers - I'm flattered but, uh - you've come to the wrong place.
Lou Mozell: You know, that I actually met a girl by the name of Moo Goo Gai Pan? That was her last name. Her first name was Freida. Freida Moo Goo Gai Pan. She was half-Jewish, half-Chinese. A lot of people called her the Ori-Yenta.
Beret Girl: Max, Max, Max. Admit defeat, and defeat will surely admit you into permanent custody, my man.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.
Turkish: We've lost gorgeous George
Brick top: Well where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys is he?