Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged, and when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig.
Miguel: Alright! Cuba.
Renato Amoroso: Signora Malena, a more capable person than me... wrote that the only true love is unrequited love. Now I understand why. It's been so long since you last came out of your house. But the longer we are apart, the stronger my love becomes.
Dex: Y'know, no-one ever says, "Hey, God, how was your day? What can I do for you, God?" Or, "Hey, God, did you catch Letterman last night?"
Syd: Oh, and I suppose you talk to God like that?
Dex: Always. All the time.
Syd: And what does God say?
Dex: He says, "You know what? I saw Letterman and it sucked."
Mrs. Tingle: Who can tell me if Frankenstein was circumcised?
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Bob Rueland: I miss Elizabeth. I'll always miss her. But I ache for Grace.
Nolan: Now lets say you walking down the street, strutting yo stuff, and someby yells out and screams "Hey baby! Why don't you back that thing up and show me whatcha got and whatcha gon do?"
Big Momma: I'd say imma size 10, and I'm about to cram it up his boney ass.
Officer Harry Cox: Harry Cox is all over this, sir.
Victor Melling: By the way, what are you planning to do for your talent: sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?
Gracie Hart: I will do whatever you want me to do, Yoda.
Indian Bartender: May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.
Chon Wang: I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
Roy O'Bannon: Oh, you mean the sick prisoner routine? Does that still work in China? 'Cause here it's sorta been done to death.
Grady Tripp: It's been a long time since someone wrote a really good book in jail.
Narrator: Meanwhile all was well with our heroes. Rocky was his old self again.
Bullwinkle: Ah i'll never forget our trip to New York to visit President Washington.
Narrator: And so was Bullwinkle. Yes glad to be home in their revitalized little town Rocky the Flying Squirrel took a well deserved joy ride through the sunny skies of Frostbite Falls.
Bullwinkle: Bye.
Rocky: Bye Bye.
Vanessa: I just wanna know where I belong.
Mona Hibbard: You belong in the family box.
Steerpike: Why is it that some people starve and others have so much they waste it?
Russ Duritz: Toshiya, let me ask you something. If you get called a jerk four times in a single day, does that make it true?
Amy: What, only four? Did you get up late?
Russ Duritz: Excuse me, I'm asking Toshiya.
Toshia: Four times is a pattern. It have to be five times to be a fact.
Russ Duritz: Thank you. See? There's hope after all.
Amy: Jerk.
Matthew: Isn't American cheese appropriately named? You know, it's fake and processed, just like America.
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Cecil: Demented forever.
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.