Paul Tannek: What kinda drugs were you giving out here?
Chris: Drugs? Man, all we had was beer.
Paul Tannek: You can't pass out from beer.
Chris: Yes, you can, if you take something before you drink it.
Paul Tannek: Oh, are you referring to the illegal drugs you disperse at parties?
Chris: What are you talking about? What, are you gonna turn into a narc on us?
Professor Edward Alcott: You know, I have this kind of crazy philosophy that your grades should represent your grasp of the material and not your negotiating skills - which are amazing, by the way.
Dora Diamond: I love self-loathing complaint rock you can dance to.
Dora Diamond: Well, you know how there are couples that stay together just because they feel like they can't do any better, or there are people who are sad and miserable and live alone? But then there's this microscopically teeny group of luck people who get to be with the person they're madly in love with.
Paul Tannek: Dora, you ever consider being in love and leaving out the "madly" part?
Dora Diamond: Well, what's the fun in that?
Dora Diamond: You have a girlfriend?
Paul Tannek: Ex-girlfriend. We dated in high school.
Dora Diamond: Do you still see her?
Paul Tannek: No. She lost some weight over the summer, so she's dating a lot more now. You know how it goes.
Adam: You gotta help me. Lisa is all primed but her helpful friend, fat Rita, will take her home unless she gets some action, too.
Noah: OK, first of all, I'm way too wasted to be operating heavy machinery. And second of all, I got this little spinner all G-ed out. She's liquid.
Adam: Leave her on the back burner. Take one for the team.
Professor Edward Alcott: Paul, Adam, Chris, Noah - they're all my little honor students, but they couldn't get through a copy of Rolling Stone between the four of them.
Paul Tannek: What was that?
Dora Diamond: A kiss.
Paul Tannek: You call that a kiss?
Noah: There you are again with those books! What is that?
Paul Tannek: Studying?
