Duncan: We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em.
Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Demons aren't gonna ring the doorbell.
Washburn: Oh man, if you can't fry it, I won't eat it.
Tom Granick: It's amazing who's here.
Jane Craig: Who?
Tom Granick: Me.
Patrick Morenski: Okay, on one end of the spectrum you've got homo, and on the other you've got hetero. Then there's me, way the fuck over here.
Daryl Van Horne: Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.
Loy Colton: Caleb, those people back there, they wasn't normal. Normal folks, they don't spit out bullets when you shoot 'em, no sir.
Jerry Blake: Hodgkins, what's to get wrong?
Nathan White: I know about your friend's daughter, Mr. Kersey. I also know that you shot the pusher who sold her the drugs. But I ask you, sir, what about the people behind him? How many children do we let them destroy before we say enough, Mr. Kersey? How many?
Chris Lecce: Problem?
Patty Winston: He hit me daddy! And then he kicked me in my hiney.
Maxton: I heard you resigned from the Scouts.
Jim: I've become an atheist.
Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.
Jane: He's a friend of mine from school.
Jeff: A FRIEND?
Ronald Miller: Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.
Bob Morales: Look it's Woody Woodpecker and Buzz Buzzard, Man they make cartoons here.
Mike: You see, in my trade, this is called - what you did - you cracked out of turn. Huh? You see? You crumbed the play.
Black and White TV: A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in... um... every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus, where you ride the Ferris Wheel of Values for a better tomorrow.
Cathy: Christopher, what is it?
Chris: A copy of Grandfather's will. It's 2 months old. It says if it was ever proven Mom had children from her first marriage, even after he's dead, she'd be disinherited.
Cathy: Mother's known all this time that we could never be found.
Chris: She never meant for us to leave that attic.