Maxton: I heard you resigned from the Scouts.
Jim: I've become an atheist.
Jane: He's a friend of mine from school.
Jeff: A FRIEND?
Bob Morales: Look it's Woody Woodpecker and Buzz Buzzard, Man they make cartoons here.
Black and White TV: A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in... um... every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus, where you ride the Ferris Wheel of Values for a better tomorrow.
Buddy Revell: You know what Mitchell? You're the biggest pussy I've ever seen in my life. Didn't even try. How does that feel?
Joe Kenehan: You think this man is the enemy? Huh? This is a worker! Any union keeps this man out ain't a union, it's a goddam club! They got you fightin' white against colored, native against foreign, hollow against hollow, when you know there ain't but two sides in this world - them that work and them that don't. You work, they don't. That's all you get to know about the enemy.
Duncan: We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em.
Lex Luthor: Lenny, I've always considered you the Dutch Elm disease in my family tree.
Sgt. Gustav Wagner: This morning, two prisoners escaped from North Camp. Thirteen other prisoners, no doubt inspired by their idiotic example, also tried to escape. If any of you would like to cheer, go right ahead. There will be no more escape attempts in this camp. I'll repeat that. there will be no more escape attempts in this camp.
Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.
Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Demons aren't gonna ring the doorbell.
Ronald Miller: Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.
Mike: You see, in my trade, this is called - what you did - you cracked out of turn. Huh? You see? You crumbed the play.
Washburn: Oh man, if you can't fry it, I won't eat it.
Daryl Van Horne: Men are such cocksuckers aren't they? You don't have to answer that. It's true. They're scared. Their dicks get limp when confronted by a woman of obvious power and what do they do about it? Call them witches, burn them, torture them, until every woman is afraid. Afraid of herself... afraid of men... and all for what? Fear of losing their hard-on.
Patrick Morenski: Okay, on one end of the spectrum you've got homo, and on the other you've got hetero. Then there's me, way the fuck over here.
Jerry Blake: Hodgkins, what's to get wrong?
Loy Colton: Caleb, those people back there, they wasn't normal. Normal folks, they don't spit out bullets when you shoot 'em, no sir.
Cathy: Christopher, what is it?
Chris: A copy of Grandfather's will. It's 2 months old. It says if it was ever proven Mom had children from her first marriage, even after he's dead, she'd be disinherited.
Cathy: Mother's known all this time that we could never be found.
Chris: She never meant for us to leave that attic.