Grant Chambers: Martini with vodka, shaken not stirred, for our Double-O-Seven.
Waitress: Eh... What?
Doug Wilson: How do you ask the woman that makes your kids' lunches to suck your balls and spread her ass open like a geometry compass? How, Andy?
Jude Harrison: Meatless meatloaf?.. Isn't that just loaf?
Hunter: Can you imagine what it's like to sit there for two days and answer personal questions about your sex life?
Dee Dee: Yeah, it's like that every time I go to visit my mother.
Jack Malone: According to the groom, she was an angel.
Martin: I guess love is blind. And deaf. And very, very dumb.
Jack Malone: Spoken like a true romantic.
All Valley - S1-E7
Samantha LaRusso: Aren't we supposed to avoid fighting?
Daniel LaRusso: Sometimes you can't. Someday the fight may come to you. And I want to make sure you're ready. So today we're going to see what Miyagi-Do is made of.
Ron Carter: In light of the severity of these crimes, we ask for remand, your honor.
Ms. O'Brien: In light of the weakness of their evidence, remand is absurd.
Ron Carver: The evidence past mustard with the grand jury.
Ms. O'Brien: Oh right, was my client indicted before or after the ham sandwich?
FBI Agent Max Canary: If I'm not mistaken, she just cut off your balls, Derek.
Derek Jennings: Just the one, Max. Just the one.
Noah Bain: Oh, uh, look, Al, I'm not asking you to spy. I'm just asking you to steal.
Alexander Mundy: Let me get this straight: you want me to steal?
Scotty Valens: Did your dad follow up with this guy?
Daniel: Not that I heard about.
Nick Vera: If I spent five years in a box getting tortured while some guy is taking my wife to dinner.
Scotty Valens: I'd follow up.
Natalie: Nick, I'm in the habit of believing 10 unbelievable things before breakfast every day, starting with you.
Grayson Sinclair: Mother not around?
Matthew King: Mine? No, she's been dead twenty years mate.
Weir: The person you have is not my ex-wife. It's the person I sent in to get her. So, good luck with that motherfucker.
Gene Hunt: Fire up the Quattro!
Non-Descript Character: Where do you worship?
Dwight 'The General' Manfredi: I really don't go to church.
Captain William Mitchell: Joel, where have you been?
Joel Rawlings: Sir, I was on a... secret mission. So secret, even you didn't know about it.
Captain William Mitchell: At the flower shop?
Leon Tyler: We need to cauterize the wound.
Thelma Bates: How do we do that?
Leon Tyler: Well, in star wars they used the light saber.
Gerry Standing: Will you stop creeping up on me.
Brian Lane: I don't creep, I glide.