Boy #1: What shall we call him? Should we call him Harold?
Boy #2: Uh, Bruce?
Children: No.
Girl #1: Christopher Columbus?
Children: Oh, no.
Boy #3: Oatmeal?
Children: Oatmeal?!
Mark Cohen: You know, there are times when we're dirt broke, hungry and freezing and I ask myself "why the hell am I still living here?" and then they call, and I remember.
Rizzo the Rat: There are two things I hate: heights and jumping from them.
Officer Allen: We're looking for the man with the hands.
Santa: Haven't you heard of peace on Earth, and goodwill toward men?
Lock, Shock, Barrel: NO!
Melanie 'Mel' Whitfield: So, technically, you slept with Santa?
Kelli Whitfield: Well, I didn't know he was Santa at the time... but technically, I guess I did.
Melanie 'Mel' Whitfield: Well, ho, ho, ho.
Kris: If you can't learn to accept ANYTHING on faith, then you are doomed for a life dominated by doubt.
Mr. Green: We both know Miley was flawless.
Bailiff: OK, Lez-beans! I caught ya! Bumpin' pussies is a violation of jail rules.
Mikey Ubriacco: I don't wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday.
James: I know, but you're gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.
Kris: You messed with the wrong sisters.
Ebenezer Scrooge: How shall I ever understand this world? There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty, and yet, there is nothing it condemns with such severity as the pursuit of wealth.
Toymaker: Oh, for heaven's sakes! Such a dreadful temper! I'm glad I'm not marrying you! Well, I am marrying you, but I'm marrying you to her.
Tia Hall: Honey, the girls are having a great time showing everybody the lights. I pray to God that's the only thing they're showing.
Giant Santa: I'm gonna deck your halls, bub.
Barb: I think the little buggers schnockered, son of a bitch.
Thomas: How could you kill a poor, defenseless animal? Angela! You're really starting to piss me off.
Narrator: "Pooh-pooh to the Whos" he was grinchily humming.
The Grinch: They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming. They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or two. Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry "booo-hooo."
Jonathan: You are a strange and interesting woman.