
Griffin Keyes: How long have you been able to talk?
Donald the Monkey: Let's see, today's Tuesday so... Always.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle: Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, these men are armed and dangerous, and you being an FBI agent you're more used to shooting at unarmed women and children...
FBI agent Wendell Everett: Oh, fuck you, Sergeant!

Dwayne: Sometimes fate pulls out its big ol' cock and slaps you right in the face.

Madea: Sit down you black leprechaun looking like you're out of a damn box of chocolate, lucky charms.

Dean Ziegler: There's a separation between religion and insurance. It's in the constitution.

Lord Redbrick: I'm not illiterate! My parents were married!

Jesse Richter: When I'm about to kiss you, you'll know it.

Thadeous: I shouldn't even be here! I will probably die on this quest, and Courtney definitely will!

Steve: This is Germany, Father. They drive on the right. National dish: sausage.

Gil: I'm having trouble because I'm a Hollywood hack who never gave real literature a shot.