Beryl Mason: I think of sex as a language and I'm fluent in it. You? Well, for you it's... a second language.
Carmen Naranjo: Do you know why we clink glasses before drinking?.. It's so that all the five senses are involved. We touch the glass. We smell the drink. We see its color. We taste it. Hearing is the only sense that doesn't participate unless we create it.
Meg Harper: You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?
Joe: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.
Gwen: Everyone hates me, everyone wants a piece of me. My therapist is out of the country, I wasn't nominated for a Golden Globe this year! Leave me alone.
Mary: Oh my God, you castrated him.
Gord Brody: I hope I get a jobby, Freddy. I've got my fingers crossed... crossed... crossed... crossed... cross... ed.
Eric: Love may not make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while.
Lance Barton: I got roaches. Who here got roaches?
Man in Audience: Everybody got roaches, man. It's Harlem.
Alexander Cabot: You know what? I still don't understand why you're here.
Alexandra Cabot: I'm here because I was in the comic book.
Alexander Cabot: What?
Alexandra Cabot: Nothing.
Phil Allen: A beauty is that, Shelley. A beauty.
Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: No.
Randy: There's the ten-thousand dollars... well, aren't you gonna count it?
Mr. Burmeister: Nah.
Randy: You trust me?
Mr. Burmeister: No, but I kill people.
Akash Malhotra: Dad, there is more to life than just signing checks.
Akash's father: Really... What is that?
Akash Malhotra: I don't know, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know.
Archie: Uh-oh! Uh-oh.
Dr. Dolittle: Uh-oh, what? What's the problem?
Archie: Ice cream is acting up.
Dr. Dolittle: What ice cream?
Archie: I got depressed after Sonny and Ava, and I went on a bender. And by the second gallon, I realised I'm in love with Ava and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia."
Neighbor: Hey, shutup down there.
Gordon: I'm covered in ca-ca.
Amy Mandell: The primary difference between a man and a woman is that man gets his self-esteem when a woman says yes and a women gets hers when she says no.
Uncle Jack: If he's cursing on TV, then, he's tight.
Tenley: You're thinking about kissing me, aren't you?
Ryan: No.
Tenley: Well, now that I've said that, you're thinking about it.
Ryan: No, I'm thinking that's what you're thinking.
Tenley: No, I'm thinking that I could swim the length and back underwater.
Ryan: Five bucks says you can't.
Tenley: You got it.
Roxana: And remember, turn on the headlights.