Taylor: The best part is we're consistent. We exploit all religions.
Carmen Naranjo: Do you know why we clink glasses before drinking?.. It's so that all the five senses are involved. We touch the glass. We smell the drink. We see its color. We taste it. Hearing is the only sense that doesn't participate unless we create it.
Josie McCoy: If I could go back in time and change everything back, I would.
Melody: That's really cool. If I could go back in time, I would want to meet Snoopy.
Count Thibault: You are lionhearted, Julia, like the women of your lineage. You have courage.
Eric: Love may not make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while.
Uncle Jack: If he's cursing on TV, then, he's tight.
Kate Westbourne: You know, sometimes you don't even act like you're my son, Wesley.
Wesley Westbourne: Sometimes you don't even act like you're my mother.
Kate Westbourne: Oh, come on, I've given you everything a child could want. Toys, love, publicity.
Stan: There's been a PI at the shark pool.
Jordan: PI?
Stan: Puking incident. Some kid puked all over the shark pool. Anyway, I need you to clean it up for me right away. A.S.A.P.
Jade: Lemme just say, if he hadn't washed his hands this investigation would be over right here.
Freddie Tiffany: Man, you really are from the projects. You didn't hit a damn thing.
Phil Allen: A beauty is that, Shelley. A beauty.
Dr. Desmond Forest Oates: Bill Shakespeare was a wonderful poet. But Burt Bacharach he ain't.
Stu Miley: The woman I love is living with a horny little monkey that looks like me.
Kitty: What a lucky girl.
Akash Malhotra: Dad, there is more to life than just signing checks.
Akash's father: Really... What is that?
Akash Malhotra: I don't know, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know.
Jane: You know, that's why God invented turtlenecks.
Eddie: No, that's why God invented Darlene.
Miguel: The BLM man gave me permission to kill anything that represented a danger to my cattle. El lobo, el coyote, and el Graboid.
Amy Mandell: The primary difference between a man and a woman is that man gets his self-esteem when a woman says yes and a women gets hers when she says no.
Old Man at the Two Windmills: Still, true love does exist.
Suzanne, Owner Two Windmills bar: I know. After 30 years behind a bar, I'm an expert. I'll even give you the recipe. Take two regulars, mix them together and let them stew. It never fails.
Iris: I'm a wonderful housekeeper. I got divorced three times, and I kept all the houses.
Steve Meyers: What do you think of a moral victory?
Anna Redmond: A moral victory sounds good.