Kiyoshi Yamazaki: This isn't a mystery of life! It's a shit.
Narrator: Philoméne likes the sound of the cat's bowl on the tiles. The cat likes overhearing children's stories.
Mary: Oh my God, you castrated him.
Lance Barton: I got roaches. Who here got roaches?
Man in Audience: Everybody got roaches, man. It's Harlem.
Carmen Naranjo: Do you know why we clink glasses before drinking?.. It's so that all the five senses are involved. We touch the glass. We smell the drink. We see its color. We taste it. Hearing is the only sense that doesn't participate unless we create it.
Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: No.
Jodi Chang: Well, we discovered it right? Just like the other ones. We should name it... how about buttlauncher?
Eric: Love may not make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while.
Bobby's Buddy: Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him, I'm telling Beth that you let him drown.
Andy: I was busy!
Bobby's Buddy: It's your job to make sure kids don't drown.
Roxana: And remember, turn on the headlights.
Archie: Uh-oh! Uh-oh.
Dr. Dolittle: Uh-oh, what? What's the problem?
Archie: Ice cream is acting up.
Dr. Dolittle: What ice cream?
Archie: I got depressed after Sonny and Ava, and I went on a bender. And by the second gallon, I realised I'm in love with Ava and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia."
C.W. Briggs: They say, I always get my man.
Laura Kensington: Me too.
Stan: There's been a PI at the shark pool.
Jordan: PI?
Stan: Puking incident. Some kid puked all over the shark pool. Anyway, I need you to clean it up for me right away. A.S.A.P.
Uncle Jack: If he's cursing on TV, then, he's tight.
Phil Allen: A beauty is that, Shelley. A beauty.
Iris: I'm a wonderful housekeeper. I got divorced three times, and I kept all the houses.
Colonel Berman: What is this? What have we here?
Ray Elwood: Just some requisitions, sir.
Colonel Berman: One thousand gallons of Mop and Glow... my God, do we really need that much?
Ray Elwood: Well, cleanliness is next to godliness.