Amy Mandell: The primary difference between a man and a woman is that man gets his self-esteem when a woman says yes and a women gets hers when she says no.
Mama: That man looks like that Santa from years ago... no, can't be...No more eggnog for me.
Kate Westbourne: You know, sometimes you don't even act like you're my son, Wesley.
Wesley Westbourne: Sometimes you don't even act like you're my mother.
Kate Westbourne: Oh, come on, I've given you everything a child could want. Toys, love, publicity.
Jane: I mean, c'mon! I was comparing men to animals... Which, let's face it, sometimes they are. But sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, you open the barn door, or the bedroom door, or the hospital room door, and you find the real thing. You find a guy that can sit with you when you're at your absolute worst, when your face looks like a punching bag and you're elbow deep in Kleenex, and he can still look at you, and tell you that Ray is not the last man you're ever going to love.
Freddie Tiffany: Man, you really are from the projects. You didn't hit a damn thing.
Gwen: Kiki? What was that movie called?
Kiki: I don't give a shit.
Eddie: No, that wasn't it.
Ricky Slade: We don't wanna talk, we wanna scream at people, but we don't wanna listen or problem solve and that's what's frustrating about the fucking dynamic of the group.
Stu Miley: The woman I love is living with a horny little monkey that looks like me.
Kitty: What a lucky girl.
Jim: Where the fuck is the water?
Helen: Some people smoke pot, some people bungee jump, some people chant. What do you do to be happy?
Jessica: Nothing. I'm not.
Miguel: The BLM man gave me permission to kill anything that represented a danger to my cattle. El lobo, el coyote, and el Graboid.
Melody: Ooh, more coasters.
Meg Harper: You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?
Joe: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.
Iris: I'm a wonderful housekeeper. I got divorced three times, and I kept all the houses.
Steve: Why you only eating the brown ones?
Mary: Because someone once said they have less artificial colouring because chocolate's already brown. And it kind of stayed with me.
Steve: You kind of stayed with me.
Luisa: You have to make the clitoris your best friend.
Tenoch: What kind of friend is always hiding?
Katie: Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, *cut*. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.
Spike: And you, you take way too long when you're taking a shit.
[Afer Max punches a hole in a wall.]
Max Prince: I wanna hit something else. Something big! Something expensive!
Milt Fields: There's a bank across the street, Max.