Judge: Ryan Harrison, a jury of your peers have found you guilty of murder. On August 12th at Stillwater Federal Prison you shall have your sentence carried out. You shall be executed buffet style: lethally injected, electrocuted, and placed before a firing squad. May God have mercy on your soul, you bastard you.
Felix Ungar: Better pull off the freeway, Oscar, I have to eat. I have a low sugar condition, I have to eat every four hours.
Oscar Madison: Why the hell didn't you eat when we were back at El Pollo Loco?
Felix Ungar: Because it wasn't time to eat yet, it was time to pee. Sheesh.
Narrator: Soon it was commonplace for entire teams to change cities in search of greater profits. The Minneapolis Lakers moved to Los Angeles where there are no lakes. The Oilers moved to Tennessee where there is no oil. The Jazz moved to Salt Lake City where they don't allow music. The Raiders moved from Oakland to LA back to Oakland. No-one in LA seemed to notice.
Shelly Krippendorf: I just chased poultry through my backyard, looking like Tammy Faye Bakker. You owe me.