Doc: Do you have nicoise?
Diner Cook: I told you. We have ranch, Italian, and chunky bleu cheese, which is 50 cents extra.
Doc: Do you have any balsamic vinegar?
Diner Cook: I got ranch, Italian, chunky bleu cheese.
Doc: How about a gun so I can shoot myself in the head?
Joe: Hey, your son is not a screw up, he's a hero.
Mr. Birch: What?
Joe: I said he's a hero. And you don't deserve him. I want you to know that.
Kevin: A knight proves his worthiness by his deeds.
Z: Let's be real about this. Bala and I... Bala is a princess, and I'm a soil relocation engineer.
Dorian: I'd like to be the father-to-be.
Sally: You can't be the father and the brother! That's the kind of thing that messes kids up.
Ivy: Somebody has to teach this beautiful bird some manners. Might as well be me.
Paulie: What's wrong with my manners?
Charlie: You the man.
Jack: No, I'm the snowman.
Allen: I don't know I could ever really begin to talk to her. I mean what can I talk about? I have nothing to talk about, I'm boring. And that I know, I've been told before so don't tell me it's not true 'cause it's a fact. I bore the people. People look at me and they get bored, people listen to me and they zone out... bored. 'Who is that boring person?', they think. 'I've never before met anyone so boring'. And I'm for her to see how boring I am.
Jay Murphy: It's hard to tell how many emotions were real and how many were manufactured just to get the other person to bring over more pot.
Margaret Yang: You're a real jerk to me, you know that?
Max Fischer: I'm sorry, Margaret.
Margaret Yang: Well anyway, nice to see you.
Josh Neff: I don't think people really change that way. We can change our context, but, we can't change ourselves.
Ricky Hayman: Good. Better. Best. Never let it rest, 'til your good is Better and your better is best.
Christine Brochant: Are you the one who was supposed to be dining with him tonight?
François Pignon: Yes, how did you know? Did he talk about me?
Christine Brochant: Yes, but even without that, I would have recognized you.
Darryl: They killed my baby. He got involved with that whole east coast-west coast thing, and being that he is so Chicago they both banged on him.
Max Gale: When did we forget?
Lily Marlowe: We didn't. We just looked the other way.
Sen. Jay Billington Bulworth: All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color.
Dan: Maybe she's like Catherine Tremell in "Basic Instinct", you know? One day she's just going to plunge an ice pick into his nose.
Mark: He'd probably enjoy that. Killed by a naked blonde who doesn't wear underwear to the strains of a Jerry Goldsmith score. Come to think of it, I'd sort of dig that myself.
Matko Destanov: The Bulgarians always say: "Brother, if you can't solve a problem with money... solve it with a lot of money."
Anthony Cortino: Some would argue that the Mafia is a bad thing, that it uses its power to undermine law and order, to promote the very lowest forms of human behavior. Of course, that's all true, but in the end, maybe it's worth it.