Cliff: Who wants to do a bong... how about you.
Cass Lake: We're six floors up. No-one can see you.
Off-screen voice: Hey, Cass. Who's your new friend?
Angel Stripper: Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it's up to you to make it happen.
Jessica: Tum Tum, I made your favorite bacon, lettuce, tomato, bologna, ham and swiss cheese sandwich.
TumTum: No thanks mom, I'm not hungry.
Coop: Hey, Skidmark Steve, cool. You still just hangin' out, playin' Nintendo?
Steve: Well, if you must know, I'm in my second year of med school and I'm training for the Summer Games. What are you two up to?
Coop: Just hanging out... Playing Nintendo... Cock.
Felix Ungar: Look, we have to have a plan, agreed?
Oscar Madison: Agreed.
Felix Ungar: Okay. What do you think the plan should be?
Oscar Madison: I don't care. I agreed. I did my part.
Gov. Jack Stanton: I'm going to tell you something really outrageous. I'm going to tell you the truth.
Helen Jordan: Y'know, people are always putting New Jersey down. None of my friends can believe I live here. But that's because they don't get it: I'm living in a state of irony.
Joan: When was having sex or not having sex not a problem?
François Pignon: Do you sleep with all your editors?
Pierre Brochant: None of your damn business.
Max Fischer: Thay are going to cancel Latin. They've got to make room for Japanese.
Rosemary Cross: Well that's a shame because all the Romance languages are based on Latin.
Max Fischer: Yeah, they are, aren't they.
Rosemary Cross: Nihilo sanctum estne?
Max Fischer: What's that? Oh, it's Latin. What does that mean?
Rosemary Cross: Is nothing sacred?
Jay Murphy: It's hard to tell how many emotions were real and how many were manufactured just to get the other person to bring over more pot.
Daphne Blake: What I need is a real, live ghost.
Velma Dinkley: That's an oxymoron, Daph.
Alice Kinnon: Do you really think we know each other well enough to move in together?
Charlotte Pingress: Well, maybe that's good.
Alice Kinnon: Its not just that we don't know each other well. I'm not even sure we really like each other.
Charlotte Pingress: That's okay. You know, Alice, I'm not so much of a bitch as I seem.
Popov: We're Russians! We demand you take us to the Russian imbecile.
Natalya: It's "Embassy," imbecile.
Lily Marlowe: Max is like a little dog. He's always sniffing around where it's not polite.
Squirrel #1: ...Bagel chips.
Squirrel #2: Back off, or you'll find your nuts in a tree.
Squirrel #1: Ow! Where's the love?
Imaginary William Shatner: I'm not really here. I'm one of the top ten imaginary friends kids have. Just behind John Travolta, Reggie Jackson, and Farrah Fawcett-Majors.
Ricky Hayman: Good. Better. Best. Never let it rest, 'til your good is Better and your better is best.