Lana: I may be a fabulous looking broad, but I got a penis. This ain't no disco and I don't want no "Crying Game" drama.
Meredith: I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want all this calculated artificiality. This dress, these stupid little bows in my hair, they aren't me. I mean, look at you. You - you don't sit around your house in an Armani suit, do you?
Trent: No. My house is black-tie.
Hugh: I'm better at all these lies I've manufactured than I am at the ones I'm living.
Meredith: Wow.
Trent: Yeah I know, the flowers are a little much, but I'm late. But only because I had second thoughts about the flowers and threw them away halfway down the block. Then had third thoughts and went back and got them.
Hannah: And you really didn't sleep with her?
Paul: No, of course not.
Hannah: And - you didn't want to sleep with her.
Paul: Oh, God, yes.
Paul: You're overwrought.
Hannah: I'm perfectly wrought. Given the circumstances, I'm even a little underwrought.
Paul: There's no such word.
Hannah: There is now.
Lana: That was quite a story. Right entertainin', but Sugar I don't know who you think you're foolin'.
Hugh: What do you mean?
Lana: Lana may be three sheets to the preverbial wind, but I don't believe a single word coming out of your pretty, straight, little mouth.
Paul: Don't look at me with that tone of voice.
Paul: You know, I never knew what happiness was until I married your mother. And by then it was too late.
Trent: You know I'm not just asking you to dinner as a pre-emptive strike against litigation. I'm asking because.
Meredith: I'll have dinner with you.
Trent: What changed your mind?
Meredith: Anyone who can say 'preemptive strike against litigation' with a straight face deserves a dinner companion.
Meredith: Well, That doesn't take long does it?
Trent: What doesn't?
Meredith: I mean, you turn a guy down a-and wham. He just metamophoses into an anger ball.
Trent: An 'Anger ball'?
Meredith: See.
Keenan: This may sound corny, but... you don't want me. I'm damaged goods.
Joan: So? We're all damaged goods.
Joan: I feed the fucking thing. I take her to the vet, all you do is pet her twice a day... which is a hell of a lot more than you've been doing to me lately.
Joan: Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.
Keenan: My mind has an endless capacity for useless information.
Joan: When was having sex or not having sex not a problem?
Max: Some girls like you to say things like that to them.
Joan: Some girls like you to take a dump on them. I'm neither one of those girls.
Joan: I want to get rid of you as much as I want to get rid of that crap from Ikea.
Keenan: What did I ever do to deserve you?
Joan: Usually that line is screamed at me by someone running out the door, not by someone standing in front of me and staying. It makes for a nice change.
