Stanley Stupid: Be on the look out for anything suspicious.
Buster Stupid: Dad, they're putting make-up on men in there.
Stanley Stupid: Bull's eye.
Michael: I like it here, it's quiet. Nobody ever bothers a librarian.
Russell Kramer: When it comes time for a rest, there's no place like Cleveland.
Raymond Hurdicure: So I hear dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?
Al: I'm proud of you Joe.
Joe MacGonaughgill: Why?
Al: You finally figured out the girl in your heart isn't the girl in your dreams. Some people don't figure it out all their lives.
Larry Flynt: I got money, which gives me the power to shake up the system.
Denise Waverly: Maybe I put too much of myself into my songs.
Luvven Coddle: I sense a - a yearning in you - a - a searching - almost - as if you're lost. You've been lost for a long, long time. Am I right?.. You found Jesus, Al.
Al Fountain: Why? Is he missing?
Andy: Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, hey ladies?
Vera: Aye, but we can do without the drugs and rock 'n' roll.
Dr. Mittenhand: I am like the Wizard of Oz, am I not? Running things from behind a curtain. Only this wizard IS NOT A FAKE.
Jimmy Flaherty: Prison won't be so bad. I can became a born-again Christian. And that'll be good. Because nobody wants a born-again Christian as their bitch.
Tina: Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?
Zeke: Step outside.
Rafe Guttman: Sorry, Zeke - I'm just not in the mood for a blowjob.
Darian: You can slip into something more comfortable.
Tommy: Like what?
Darian: Like me.
Freddie: I dream of being in a Las Vegas hotel where all of the towels smell like Downy Fabric Softener.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: Hey, Patton, pass the ball! What are you, the black hole of basketball? Come on.
Joe Sparks: (to Stacy) You going to let her call you a black ho?
Darren Taylor: Man, a hole.
Stacy Patton: What's a black hole?
Polynice, Olden: A black hole is a theoretical object in space. It is so dense that matter collapses... and light itself cannot escape. (shoots his free throw).
Terry Hastings: I knew that.
John Henderson: We're in the 90s, mother. It's fancy jam time.
Emma Woodhouse: Now I need not call you Mr. Knightley. I may call you my Mr. Knightley.
Richard Clark: Victoria, could you give me a ride home? I seem to have misplaced my car.
Victoria Chapell: Oh, don't worry about it. All the teachers loose their car on their first day.
