Cruella De Vil: My faith in your limited intelligence is momentarily restored.
Dosmo Pizzo: How did you find me?
Lee Woods: In the phone book under Washout.
Franklin: Boy you're touchy.
Travis: He's got hemorrhoids, Franklin.
Franklin: You got 'roids?
Avery Bishop: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.
Jerry Maguire: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.
Avery Bishop: Well, it worked.
Bodacious TV Anchor: ...this may be the first time that a serial killer has used poison cereal to kill his victims.
Jay Leno: I may look stupid, but I'm Italian. I know how to find information.
Plane Voice: Good morning, Dr. Meecham.
Tom Servo: Good morning, Voice.
Plane Voice: Hope you slept well.
Mike Nelson: 'Cause it's time to die.
Lee Woods: You have one minute to decide the rest of your life.
Marie: You don't go to work every day. You go to a bar every day.
Jack Tramonte: OK Whitman's records. Lived with his mother until about six months ago. Had one serious relationship with an Inga... Gunther who once tried to assassinate the rock temptress... stevie nicks.
Russell Kramer: When this is over, promise me we'll come back and look for my balls.
Stanley Stupid: Be on the look out for anything suspicious.
Buster Stupid: Dad, they're putting make-up on men in there.
Stanley Stupid: Bull's eye.
Michael: I like it here, it's quiet. Nobody ever bothers a librarian.
Alan Isaacman: I'm not trying to convince you to like what Larry Flynt does. I don't like what Larry Flynt does.
Raymond Hurdicure: So I hear dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?
Al: I'm proud of you Joe.
Joe MacGonaughgill: Why?
Al: You finally figured out the girl in your heart isn't the girl in your dreams. Some people don't figure it out all their lives.
Agent Paul: You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?