"Mud": Gaby, when does your mom leave for the islands?
Gaby: Just as soon as she puts me on the bus to Camp Slenderella.
Trish: Again?
Gaby: Celery sticks and rice cakes... prison food.
Trish: I'll mail you a Twinkie.
Maverick: Well, now, I bring all sorts of plusses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat.
Daniel: I'm giving up bowling.
Robin: Why?
Daniel: My wrist. It's a pre-arthritic condition. It's not gonna get better.
Robin: You saw a doctor?
Daniel: No, Al, the janitor at the bowling alley examined it. He uh, seemed to know what he was talking about. He took me right away. Of course I saw a doctor.
Grandpa Mori Shintaro: Before you go to Japan, you will be tested on the field of battle. Remember, four strands of rope, apart you can snap, but together you can be strong, now get out there and kick butt.
Cliff Spab: I'd like to live forever... but only for a little while.
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Molly: My daddy doesn't think she's in heaven.
Corrina Washington: Well, that's probably just because your daddy is so jealous of the angels. He's so jealous, he can't even stand to think about those angels who get to play with your mommy all day long. And he's hurting just like you're hurting, and you're going to hurt for a long time. Every day it'll get a little better, but you'll always miss your mommy, and that's okay.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
Lieutenant Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: It was your government that brought us here.
Lieutenant Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either.
Carl: You know Ray, since your kid's moved in, the food's gotten better.
Bailiff: All Rise.
Judge Marcus: To hell with that, let's go.
Peter Brackett: Where did you say you were from? Bitchville?
Jack Hammond: That's the question on the minds of all your viewers? Whether I run out of gas or not? Tell you what, Jer. You let your viewers know that I hope Miss Voss' fear and my desperation are entertainment enough for them. After all, that is what this is all about, isn't it? The story. As it breaks. Live. Coming to you from the bad guy himself. I mean we wouldn't want your viewers to change the fucking channel, now, would we?
Vada: If I get married, I'll never change my name.
Nick: Why? You think the guy should change his name?
Vada: I don't think anybody should change their names, that way you can't find them when you need them.
Nick: What if you don't want to be found?
Vada: Why do you argue with everything I say?
Red Bean's Mother: You ate my chicken ass, now I'm going to eat your ass.
Lt. Jake Stone: Don't ever throw a cat on me again.
Hood: So, what we wanna know is are you a brotha or a sista?
Pat: Well, I'm an only child.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies?
Orson Welles: I hate when that happens.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
Orson Welles: Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican.
Rock Reilly: Get in the van!
Eva: EW! I am so not letting you eat lizards! From now on you are on a strict "no-yuck" diet.