Uncle Joe: Would you mind going to the market, we're out of Oreos.
Molly: Well, we wouldn't be out of Oreos, would we, if someone hadn't sucked out all of the insides and tossed the rest away, you naughty boy.
Uncle Joe: I'm old and I'm rich. I can eat whatever parts I want. If I want to eat the goddamn box, I'll eat the goddamn box.
Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Billy Heywood: Who would've thought they'd throw you a changeup with a three-two count and the bases loaded?
Lou Collins: I bet you did, didn't you. You did! Ya knew it.
Michael McDougal: This is great! This is great! It writes like butter. I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen.
Don Juan: There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
Lieutenant Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: It was your government that brought us here.
Lieutenant Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either.
Orson Welles: Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?
Kitty Potter: This is fucking fruitcake time. I mean - is that fashion, is it? I mean is there a message out there? I mean you got lot of naked people wandering around here.
Doug Chesnic: Don't you see? If he is involved, then her life is worthless, you understand? They had to fucking kill her.
Ed Walters: It was like death - but in a good way.
Raphael: Oh no, he's turning into that opera guy again.
Capt. Jason Briggs: Is there a problem with your privates, Private?
Peter Brackett: Where did you say you were from? Bitchville?
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Carl: You know Ray, since your kid's moved in, the food's gotten better.
Emma Lou Jenson: Keep the change, you son of a psycho.
Buddy: You're happy. I hate that.