Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Margaret Sullivan: Isn't that wonderful? Your Grandfather gave you the twins.
Billy Heywood: I would rather have my Grandfather.
Bones: I've seen lots of camel toes before, but never on a camel.
Molly: My daddy doesn't think she's in heaven.
Corrina Washington: Well, that's probably just because your daddy is so jealous of the angels. He's so jealous, he can't even stand to think about those angels who get to play with your mommy all day long. And he's hurting just like you're hurting, and you're going to hurt for a long time. Every day it'll get a little better, but you'll always miss your mommy, and that's okay.
Tania: He says they're not sleeping together. She only sucks him off.
Cheryl: Why?
Tania: Out of respect for me.
Nicole: Bitch.
Droz: Hi, is Sam in there?
Womynist #1: "In there"? What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Womynist #2: Yeah, cock-man-oppressor.
Droz: Why, thank you. Could you just tell her that Mr. Pokey stopped by.
Peter: This guy, by the way, could be the biggest loser who ever walked the face of the earth. He could be a grump, a jerk, a pervert, a cynic, a man who's mind is infested with dark thoughts, he could be a criminal... he could be... truly sick.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
Lieutenant Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: It was your government that brought us here.
Lieutenant Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either.
Claudette: I've told you, not to bother me before a show, or after a show. Or, at home in my bedroom, when I'm thinking about a show.
Kitty Potter: This is fucking fruitcake time. I mean - is that fashion, is it? I mean is there a message out there? I mean you got lot of naked people wandering around here.
Raphael: Oh no, he's turning into that opera guy again.
Antonio: I have to go and take a shower, because I smell like Kevin Costner after "Dances with wolves."
Buddy: You're happy. I hate that.
Pat Riley: So... did I tell you I'm unemployed?
Kathy Griffin: Yea, uh, about 400 times.
Pat Riley: Say, do you think you could make an announcement about it at the radio station?
Kathy Griffin: Absolutely not.
Pat Riley: Ok, well think about it, but when you do make the announcement let me know. I want to tell my friends to tune in. They don't listen to your show normally.
Maurice L. Pogue: It's so nice seeing all your faces here: John and Susan and Mary and Fred and Ethel, Little Ricky.
Francesco Dellamorte: I should have known it. The rest of the world doesn't exist.
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Norville: You know, for kids.