Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin.
Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.
Jack Gable: What are you doing here? I sent you to Cleveland.
Jack Gates: I should kill you for that alone.
Louison: This is a job for the Australian.
Dr. Alex Tremor: Did you forget our appointment?
Eugene: I got a job now. I don't need a shrink anymore.
Marina Lemke: Eugene, honey, I don't think he likes being called that.
Parry: Come back, we'll rummage.
Wally Fields: What would I have to give you for one little kiss?
Loretta: Chloroform.
Jimmy Rabbitte: What do you call yourselves?
Derek: "And And And."
Jimmy Rabbitte: "And And fuckin' And?"
Derek: Well, Ray's thinking of putting an exclamation mark after the second "and." Says it'd look deadly on the posters.
Jimmy Rabbitte: Psshh.
Outspan Foster: You don't like it? You think it should go at the end?
Jimmy Rabbitte: I think it should go up his arse.
Outspan Foster: Well, we're not married to it.
George Kuffs: I got women to do, places to see.
Dostoyevsky Wannabe: Who's ever written a great work about the immense effort required in order not to create?
Jason Williamson: You were in the marines?
Hollywood Montrose: Yes they were looking for a few good men and... so was I.
Deborah Fifer: Do you really hate this dress?
Nick Fifer: What I really hate is this jacket, this white jacket. I look like a Brazilian gigolo.
Driver: If there's no room at the Hotel Genius, I'll take a room at the Hotel Imbecile.