Allie Fox: Everything we need is here. Right here. We can live simply: gardening, beach combing. I'm a changed man, mother. No more chemicals or poisons. If what you want isn't washed up on this beach, you probably don't need it.
Knotcher: Good morning, boys and girls, I have an announcement. One of special interest to you military personnel. Little Dougie Masters has regretfully been denied admission to the Air Force Academy. Too bad. [Laughs] He would have looked cute in his little uniform and haircut, marching around with with the other fairies. [Notices a highly irate Doug standing outside the microphone room] What's the matter, flybaby?
Marvel: Fuck you.
Molly McGrath: Fuck you what?
Marvel: Fuck you... Coach McGrath.
Molly McGrath: Better.
Gussie: We awe going to have a wawwy.
Honest John: A wawwy? What's a wawwy?
Gussie: You know. A wawwy. A wawge gathewing of mice fow a weason.
Honest John: Oh. A rally.
Gussie: That's what I said. A wawwy.
Alba Bewick: In the land of the legless the one-legged woman is queen.
Patricia: Fruitcake? fruitcake? Listen Bucko, I happen to be a highly educated, intelligent girl with an I.Q. that would put you pea-brain in the cellar. So remember, If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here. Call me for dinner.
Margaret 'Meg' Magrath: Why'd you do it, Babe? Why'd you put your head in the oven?
Rebeca 'Babe': I don't know... I'm having a bad day.
Dave Whiteman: I ate garbage last night, Barbara... and loved it.
Terry: This is great. I'm down on the docks at 1:30 in the morning. I might as well pin a hundred dollar bill to my ass and scream "Victim here! Victim here!"
Loyal heart dog: We should really help them - I'm with you.
Orin: I find a little giggle-gas before I begin increases my pleasure enormously.
Duckie: This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing, it's really marvelous.
Uncle Pomme: The earth speaks to all of us, and if we listen, we can understand.
Fielding: Father, he's done this penance long enough, and well, the other brothers think the same.
Gabriel: But he doesn't think so, John. Until he does, neither do I.
Tommy: I went to go cremate Jason but I fucked up.
Deputy Rick: You got that right.
Professor Banks: Mr. Watson, I am not a humorless man, but if you insist on taking up my class time making jokes, please see to it that they are funny.
Brett: If you don't get your hand off my leg, you're going to be wiping your ass with a hook next time you take a dump.
Camp Loman: I never heard no talk like that when I was a boy.
Mark Kaminsky: Because of you a lot of people are dead. And now it's your turn.
Taylor: Children have fought wars, have built nations. They are strong and have courage, don't treat them any less than that because they're young.