Donald Martin: Why do ya keep asking me all these questions? You don't believe anything I tell you.
Major Tetley: There's truth in lies too, if you can get enough of them.
Custer: Is that Captain Reno bearing down on us?
Captain Myles Keogh: Oh, then you're acquainted?
Custer: Captain Reno never quite got over the fact that I followed him in West Point and now he follows me. The salt that really burns the wound is that I graduated 34th in a class of 34.
Frank O'Brien: What the hell are they shooting?
Deputy U.S. Marshal Nathan Pearce: When you tell an Indian things will be a certain way and then they're not, he's inclined to think maybe you crossed him.
Col. Thaddeus Gearhart: If it's the last thing I do, I'll have that entire band transferred to Alaska.
Lola Marcel, the Singing Nightingale: Tell me, tell me about my dear, dear Daddy! Is it true that he's dead?
Stan: Well, we hope he is, they buried him.
Captain Henry: We must move on or the Injuns will start makin' our decisions for us.
Hannah Lund: You seem to be a lonely man. You seem to be a lonely man!
Captain Stanley: Australia. What fresh hell is this?
Sam Clayton: I ain't getting no younger. Time just goes by and then... then one day... one day you just get older and suddenly... you find yourself... all alone.
Jenny: You deserve to be alone.
Joe Bass: If God ever made two greater inventions than a pretty woman and a bottle of whiskey, I ain't heard of it.
Sheriff Bill Toledo: This fella George Kelby musta been pretty fast.
Harvey Maxwell: He was the fastest man alive.
Sheriff Bill Toledo: Then how come he's dead?
Harvey Maxwell: He wanted it that way.
S. Quentin Quale: You love your brother, don't you?
Joseph Panello: No, but I'm used to him.
Marty Peters: Where do ya come from, Tex?
Chris Maule: Massachusetts.
Bugs Bunny: Your move first, Sam. C'mon, pick a card.
Yosemite Sam: All right! Don't rush me. I'm a-thinking... and my head hurts.
Calamity Jane: Hiya, boys!
Bob Holliday: Hello, Jane. When did you get in town?
Calamity Jane: A few minutes ago. Just hit the jackpot, so I'm buying the drinks.
Bob Holliday: Busy now.
Calamity Jane: Aw, now, a lady don't enjoy drinking by herself. We sitting together at the show tonight?
Bob Holliday: Maybe. You going home and change your clothes? Don't you ever wear dresses anymore?
Calamity Jane: Not unless I have to. Makes me feel too darn effeminate.
Wyatt Earp: Mac, have you ever been in love?
Mac the Barman: No. I've been a bartender all my life.
Lars Jorgensen: Two letters in one year! By golly.
Ronald: If you truly love something or somebody, laundry man, you get as far away from 'em as possible. Cause we're sand, they're flowers.
Sam: I never did get to know exactly what she'd done that was so wrong.
Judge Burke: Old Ben was a friend of mine Sam, and she killed him.
Doc: It was his own fault. He was ninety-two. I warned him not to marry her.