Phillip Broyles: Someone out there is experimenting, only the whole world is their lab.
Father Marcus Keane: The power of Christ compels you.
The Crone: Do I look compelled, man of God?
Voice on Tape: Good morning Mister Phelps.
Hannah: Hey, Alex. What's the matter? I told you I don't bite.
Dr. Max Hudson: If I start to go crazy can you... take care of me?.. In the back of the head.
Diana Skouris: You won't even see it coming... Dr. Hudson?
Dr. Max Hudson: I just gave you permission to blow my head off. You can call me Max.
Moira: Hey, that shit is contagious. You want to see your baby girl again? Then you need to keep your fucking shit together.
Simon Holmes: Sometimes I wish we collected stamps for fun, instead of battling the forces of weirdness.
Catherine Packard Martell: Didn't he want to talk to me?
Pete Martell: Yeah, but we told him you were on your world tour, he should contact your press agent.
Jack Malone: According to the groom, she was an angel.
Martin: I guess love is blind. And deaf. And very, very dumb.
Jack Malone: Spoken like a true romantic.
Aku: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.
Darien Fawkes: By the way, I want my tombstone to say, "Too late, he's already dead." You know, just in case more people show up wanting to screw my life over.
Brian Finch: You remember a lot more than you think you do. Every experience you've ever had, every idea that came to you in the shower and then slipped away while you were brushing your teeth... it's all there for the taking.
Michael: Whoever sent us down here was smart, you know? Because they sent us together, and as long as we stick together, we're gonna make it.
The Devil: You don't have any friends, Ezekial. You're not only really dead, you're really most sincerely dead.
Ezekiel Stone: Isn't that from "The Wizard of Oz"?
The Devil: I hate that movie.
Olivia Pope: It's handled.
Weir: The person you have is not my ex-wife. It's the person I sent in to get her. So, good luck with that motherfucker.
Harold Finch: I'm a very private person.
Harvey Leek: Nash, the most high-tech thing on this computer is the flying toaster screen saver.
FBI Agent Max Canary: If I'm not mistaken, she just cut off your balls, Derek.
Derek Jennings: Just the one, Max. Just the one.
Vic Mackey: Put your clothes on, get out of here, and change your taste in men.