Tommy Saunders: You know, takes a lotta balls to escape like you did. You're a very brave guy, you hear me?
Tommy Saunders: Are you fucking eating Cheerios on my couch?
Commissioner Ed Davis: How do you feel?
Tommy Saunders: The knee hurts, the back hurts, the balls hurts, the pain feels like sometimes on the top of the hurt if that's remotely possible.
Bobby Shatford: Last night was worth it. There's nothin like sleepin' with you... just sleepin'... lyin next to you... all warm and sweet... Me wishin' the mornin' would never come.
Bob Lee Swagger: I was kinda hopin' to keep one of 'em alive, but they were determined to kill you.
Bob Lee Swagger: Not bad for a poodle shooter with a makeshift silencer, huh?
Comic: So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
Ted: 9/11!
Comic: Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.
John: Robin Williams!
Comic: Okay, all right. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?
Ted: Robin Williams on 9/11!
Comic: Alright, we've heard from these guys, uh, let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance. How about a location? Let's go with a location.
Ted: The offices of Charlie Hebdo!
Comic: Okay seriously, sir, I just need a location.
John: Ferguson, Missouri!
Ted: Germanwings cockpit!
Comic: Okay, I heard Starbucks!
Ted: No you didn't!
John: Nobody said Starbucks.
Comic: Alright, Starbucks! Okay now, who's in the Starbucks?
Ted: Bill Cosby.
Ted: What's your middle name?
Samantha Jackson: Leslie.
Ted: Oh, my god! You're Sam L. Jackson!
John: That's great! I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson.
Samantha Jackson: Who is that?
Ted: You ever seen any movie ever? He's the black guy.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Troy Barlow: Hey, I don't know if I can do this. I got a family. If I'm gonna shit in a bag for the rest of my life because I got shot after the war was over, that would be pretty fucking stupid wouldn't it, Major?
Capt. Said: What make you decide to tell me about Crystal, my main man?
Sgt. Troy Barlow: Because we're both fathers.
Capt. Said: I'm not father no more, you remember? My son is dead now. Can you think how would feel inside your heart if I bombed your daughter?
Sgt. Troy Barlow: Worse than death.
Capt. Said: That's right. Worse than death.
Archie Gates: What's the most important thing in life?
Troy Barlow: Respect.
Archie Gates: Too dependent on other people.
Conrad Vig: What, love?
Archie Gates: A little Disneyland, isn't it?
Chief Elgin: God's will.
Archie Gates: Close.
Troy Barlow: What is it then?
Archie Gates: Necessity.
Troy Barlow: As in?
Archie Gates: As in people do what is most necessary to them at any given moment.
Cade Yeager: Will we see you again?
Optimus Prime: Cade Yeager, I do not know. But when you look up to the stars, think of them as my soul.
Cade Yeager: Are we safer on our own, or are we safer with them?
Cade Yeager: These alien guns kick ass!
Joshua: I can't believe I'm putting my life in your hands!
Cade Yeager: You want the alien gun? Take it!
Joshua: No, I don't want the alien gun!
Colonel William Lennox: Where are the others? Where are you hiding them?
Cade Yeager: I don't sell out friends.
Cade Yeager: What are you doing?
Desi: Dying!
Cade Yeager: It was a bean bag!
Desi: A bean bag? I felt it go through me.
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