Quotes from Jason Schwartzman movies and TV shows - page 3 of 3

Max Fischer: War does funny things to men.

Herman Blume: Why did you ask me to come here?
Max Fischer: Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you.
Herman Blume: That big one?
Max Fischer: Yeah.
Herman Blume: It would've flattened me like a pancake.

Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max?
Max Fischer: The secret?
Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.

Max Fischer: I saved Latin. What did you ever do?

Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.

Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi.
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

Max Fischer: My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.

Gideon Gordon Graves: Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like, two hours! TWO HOURS!

Gideon Gordon Graves: [talking to Knives.] Listen, kung pow chicken.

Ross: You know what the best thing is? I'm not hooked... I could stop at any time.

Ross: Do you shave your balls?

Ross: Spoof. Dope. Crank. Creep. Bomb. Spank. Shit. Bang. Zip. Tweak. Chard. Call it what you will. It's all methamphetamine. That's what I'm here for.

Ross: You guys should really open a window in here.