Quotes from Jason Schwartzman movies and TV shows

Augie Steenbeck: You can't wake up if you don't fall asleep.

Jack: I think he's still in mourning.
Francis: Well I probably still am too.

Peter: I like how mean you are.
Jack: The characters are all... Thanks.

Jack: I wonder if the three of us would've been friends in real life. Not as brothers, but as people.

Patricia: It's over.
Jack: Not for us.

Francis: I guess I've still got a lot of healing to do.
Jack: Gettin' there, though.
Peter: Anyway, it's definitely going to add a lot of character to you.

Jack: You wanna read a short story I wrote in France?
Francis: How long is it?
Jack: What?
Francis: How long is it?
Jack: How long is it? Never mind. Forget it.

Peter: What about our snake?
The Chief Steward: It's dead.
Peter: He killed it?
Jack: It's got to be against his religion or something.

Jack: Do you want to go in the bathroom and smoke a cigarette with me?

Peter: I can't believe you just said that.
Francis: Why not? It's the truth.
Jack: He didn't really mean it.
Alice: I think you're all equally grief-stricken. Let's just leave it at that.

Albert Markovski: Nobody sits like this rock sits. You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is. You show us how to just sit here and that's what we need.

Albert Markovski: No, I'm not. I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.

Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes.
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.

Mr. Hooten: What happened to the cat, Albert?
Albert Markovski: How'd you know about my cat?
Mr. Hooten: The cat was killed by curiosity.
Albert Markovski: Oh, right, that cat.

Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is.
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic.
Tommy Corn: It's amazing.
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special.

Klaus: Ho ho ho.
Jesper: Wait, wait, wait. Time out. Really? THAT'S how you laugh?

Jesper: Come on! We're running out of time! Those kids are counting on us.

Louis XVI: Ooooh! Your feet are like icicles.

Marie-Antoinette: So, I hear you like to make keys as a hobby?
Louis XVI: Yes.
Marie-Antoinette: And do you enjoy making keys?
Louis XVI: Obviously.

Backgammon Player: Did you hear they're teaching Japanese next year?
Max Fischer: That's the rumor.
Backgammon Player: And they're canceling Latin.
Max Fischer: What? I tried to get Latin canceled for five years! It's a dead language, I always say.
Backgammon Player: Well, I guess they finally heard you.