Quotes from Chico Marx movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

Ambassador Trentino: Have you been trailing Firefly?
Chicolini: Have we been trailing Firefly? Why, my partner, he's got a nose just like a bloodhound.
Ambassador Trentino: Oh really?
Chicolini: Yeah, and the rest of his face don't look so good either.

Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in a circus?
Prosecutor: That's irrelevant.
Chicolini: Irrelephant? Hey, that'sa that answer. There's a whole lot of irrelephants in the circus.

Professor Wagstaff: In case I never see you again, which would add ten years to my life, what would you fellas want to play football?
Baravelli: Well, first we want a football.
Professor Wagstaff: Well, I don't know if we've got a football, but if I can find one, would you be interested? I don't want a hasty answer, just sleep on it.
Baravelli: I no think I can sleep on a football.

Baravelli: Oh, Professor, I no see you. What are you doing here?
Professor Wagstaff: Nothing, right now. But, I was doing all right until you came in.
Connie: Oh, so you know the Professor.
Baravelli: Sure. He put me in business. He got me on the football team.
Professor Wagstaff: Now all's I gotta do is get him off the couch.

Baravelli: You gotta brother?
Mullen: No.
Baravelli: You gotta sister?
Mullen: Yeah.
Baravelli: Well-a, you sister, she's a very sick man, you better come with us.
Mullen: Yeah? What happened to her?
Baravelli: She hadda accident in her automobile.
McCarthy: Ah, she has no automobile.
Baravelli: Well-a, maybe she's-a fall off-a horse. I don't-a look very close. Come on, we take you in our car.
Mullen: You will, eh? Well, I have no sister.
Baravelli: That's all right. We no gotta car. Come on.

Baravelli: Well, that's the last time we deliver ice unless you pay the bill.
Professor Wagstaff: How much do we owe you?
Baravelli: Two thousand dollars.
Professor Wagstaff: Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.

Faustino the Great: Look-a, Mr. Lyons, I know you wanna make a good impression, but-a please - don't play better than me.

Faustino the Great: I'm going to cover you with the sardines. That's-a how much I love you. Watch-a my smoke.

Waiter: Would you like to have anything before lunch?
Chico: Yes, breakfast.

Manicurist: Do you want your nails trimmed long?
Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.

Chico: What's the matter with me? I'm hungry. I didn't eat in three days.
Groucho: Three days? We've only been on the boat two days.
Chico: I didn't eat yesterday, I didn't eat today, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow. That makes a three days.

Chico: My father was-a partner's with Columbus.
Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?
Chico: You bet.
Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.
Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.

Chico: Mustard's no good without roast beef.

Otis B. Driftwood: Don't you know what duplicates are?
Fiorello: Sure, those five kids up in Canada.

Fiorello: What'll I say?
Otis B. Driftwood: Tell them you're not here.
Fiorello: Suppose they don't believe me?
Otis B. Driftwood: They'll believe you when you start talking.

Fiorello: Ricardo, how do you feel?
Ricardo: After a meal like that great. I could sing my head off. Cosi-Cosa. It's a wonderful word tra-la-la-la.

Otis B. Driftwood: Could he sail tomorrow?
Fiorello: You pay him enough money, he could sail yesterday.

Otis B. Driftwood: Say, I just remembered, I came back here looking for somebody. You don't know who it is, do you?
Fiorello: It's a funny thing, it just slipped my mind.

Otis B. Driftwood: You didn't happen to see my suit in there, did you?
Fiorello: Yeah, it was taking up too much room, so we sold it.
Otis B. Driftwood: Did you get anything for it?
Fiorello: Uh... dollar forty.
Otis B. Driftwood: That's my suit all right.

Fiorello: You got some mail for me?
Tony: Mail for you? You don't work here.
Fiorello: Well where am I gonna get my mail? I no work anyplace.