Nicky: Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?
Gatekeeper: Are there boobs on my head?
Nicky: Yeah, big ones.
Nicky: You want a pillow fight, do ya? Then let's let the feathers fly.
Nicky: Yo, fossil-head! I got a bone to pick with you.
Nicky: That's not me! That's that cockroach Tony Montana.
Mr. Beefy: He superimposed your head into Scarface.
Todd: Which is probably DePalma's third best film.
Nicky: I'm from the South. The Deep South.
Chubbs: You mambo?
Nicky: No, I don't think so.
Chubbs: It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips, it's all in the hips.
Longfellow Deeds: I bet if we ran into the sixth grade version of ourselves, they'd give us wet willies and put bubble gum in our hair for even thinking about doing this.
Shareholder: He's right! I would've beaten my greedy ass red.
Shareholder: I would've thrown myself off the merry-go-round.
Shareholder: I would've duct tape myself naked to a chair and burnt myself with lit cigarettes.
Longfellow Deeds: Did anyone dream of becoming a psychiatrist? Just kidding.
Chuck Cedar: He's gonna get 100 grand for that picture, it'll be all over the news in an hour.
Longfellow Deeds: Well, he deserves it with those James Bond moves he just pulled.
Chuck Cedar: No, he deserves to get his throat cut. Filthy spy.
Babe, aka "Pam Dawson": Oh, you have got to be shittin' me.
Longfellow Deeds: Whoa... that's the first time I've heard you curse.
Babe: I'm that excited.
Emilio: How can I thank you?
Longfellow Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man.
Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars?
Longfellow Deeds: Alright.
Emilio: Done.
Longfellow Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there.
Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.
Longfellow Deeds: Crazy Eyes.
Crazy Eyes: Hey, Deeds.
Longfellow Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.
Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.
Nick Spitz: You're an actress, right?
Grace Ballard: All women are actresses, dear. I'm just clever enough to get paid for it.
Brenner: Pac-Man's a bad guy?
Brenner: We're the only ones who can do this! I'm kidding, we're all gonna die. I'm just... Sorry.
