Quotes from Adam Sandler movies and TV shows

Whitey: That's a technical foul.

Eleanor Duvall: They were giving out free lobster bibs in the bathroom.
Whitey: That's not a lobster bib Eleanore its a germ protector for your tushey.

Eleanor Duvall: Hey, look! He already stole something.
Davey: It's a letter from my parents.
Eleanor Duvall: Well why don't you go live them?
Davey: They died.
Eleanor Duvall: My bad.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant in mid-air.
Stacy: Nice.
Gina: I bet you beat her good.
Dave Buznik: I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman.
Chuck: Liar, bullshitter, you're a woman beater! And you can't admit it, because you're a deluded piece of garbage.
Dave Buznik: I don't know about all that but... now I know why you're here.

Dave Buznik: Why couldn't you have told her something else? I was at the bank! I was at the store! I ate bad guacamole and couldn't stop shitting! Any of those things would have been fine.

Older Arnie Shankman: Did you get it on with my sister?
Dave Buznik: Over and over again. And she moaned like a wildebeast.
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Wildebeast.

Chuck: After I got back, I went through a rough time. Drinkin' booze, shootin' holes in the ceilin', screamin' myself to sleep... Finally, my parents said I had to move out.
Dave Buznik: So I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt.
Chuck: Don't get cute, wise ass... But, yes.

Dave Buznik: Five hour drive to find out mommy had a jelly bean removed from her nose... Glad I missed work. Can we eat now?

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Let me explain something to you, Dave. There are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive is the kind of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking their coupons. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and finally shoots everyone in the store. You're the cashier.
Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialling 911. I swear.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: She said she was going out with a friend named Andrea.
Dave Buznik: She doesn't have a friend named Andrea. Did she say Andrew?
Dr. Buddy Rydell: Oh, ah, yes Andrew... the testicle with legs.

Dave Buznik: I'm sorry I was so rude before... but... it's difficult for me... to... express myself... when I am on the verge of... exploding in my pants.
Kendra: You are too cute.
Dave Buznik: Get the fuck out of here.

Chuck: I still remember the war.
Dave Buznik: Oh, yeah?
Chuck: Yeah... Remember waking up to the sound of bombs dropping and children screaming.
Dave Buznik: Oh, you were in Vietnam?
Chuck: No... Grenada.
Dave Buznik: Didn't that, like, last only 12 hours?

Dave Buznik: Look everybody, Pana Banana's got a heinie! He's got a heinie.

Chuck: Yeah? And I'm sure I just heard him mutter some kind of anti-Semitic remark.
Dave Buznik: Are you Jewish?
Chuck: I could be, but no. Half Irish, half Italian, half Mexican.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Alright, I'm going to need for you to retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me, can you do that?
Dave Buznik: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah... it's retarded, I'm retarded.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three of four men to share a bed.
Dave Buznik: That's why I'm proud to be an American.

High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: OK, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.

Bishop73

Billy Madison: He's going to shit when he realises it's shit!

Hilary: Hey, dad, I have a personal errand to run and I need to borrow the car.
Jim: Well, you can't drive without me yet and somebody's got to stay here with your sisters.
Hilary: Dad, I have a personal errand.
Jim: What does that even mean? You taking a hit out on somebody?
Lou: Dad, she's monsterating.
Jim: What?
Hilary: I have my period.
Jim: Oh, I forgot you get those.

Jim: Did you have pork chops and... tuna fish... for lunch today?
Mfana: Yes! I did.