Phaneron

Tree House of Horror VIII - S9-E4

Professor Frink: Good morning, ma'am. Good afternoon, sir. It passed noon while I was speaking, so that was technically accurate.
Homer: He's crazy.

Phaneron ★

Scenes From a Class Struggle in Springfield - S7-E14

Tom Kite: You know Homer, the traditional way to cheat in golf is to lower your score.
Homer: That's one way.
Tom Kite: Ha ha, I'm PGA Tour pro Tom Kite. How 'bout I give you a few pointers on your game? Now you don't want to overthink.
Homer: Not an issue.
Tom Kite: Keep your head down.
Homer: [Raises head] Huh?
Tom Kite: Pretend there's no-one else here. [Homer scratches his butt with the driver and then belches.] And just go at your own pace. [Homer hits the ball onto the green.] Wow, very impressive. You're a natural, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Really?
Tom Kite: Uh huh. All you need is your own set of clubs. [Takes his clubs back from Homer.] And stay the hell out of my locker! You can keep the shoes.

Phaneron ★

I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can - S14-E12

George Plimpton: Alright, your word is "whether."
Sun Moon: Which one? Can you use it in a sentence?
George Plimpton: Certainly. "I don't know whether the weather will improve."
Sun Moon: Uh, ooh, W, uh, um, E... [gets disqualified]
George Plimpton: Alex, your word is "rigged." As in, "This contest is rigged."
Alex: R-I-G-G-E-D. "Wigged."
George Plimpton: Bravo, my pet. You shall be champion, assuming Lisa misspells this next word. The word is "intransigence."
Lisa: Could I please hear it in a sentence?
George Plimpton: Certainly. "The little girl's intransigence cost her the college of her choice."
Lisa: "Intransigence." I...
Homer: Daddy made it for your dance recital, honey!
Lisa: Dad, you do care.
Homer: Damn right. You're number one on my menu. Now super-size it.
Lisa: With you here, I can't fail. Attention everyone. I was asked to take a dive, but I won't do it! I-N-T-R-A-N-S-I-G-A-N-C-E.
George Plimpton: You fool, it's "E-N-C-E."
Lisa: Oh my god, you're right. I spelled it wrong. I tried my best and I failed.
George Plimpton: And now you lose everything. And I go back to whatever it is I do.

Phaneron ★

I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can - S14-E12

George Plimpton: Welcome to the games of the 34th "Spellympiad." I'm George Plimpton, founder of "The Paris Review." I also play the evil dean in "Boner Academy."
Homer: You monster! Why did you expel Boogerman?
George Plimpton: He replaced my tennis racket with a rubber phallus.

Phaneron ★

Moe Baby Blues - S14-E22

Marge: Ooh, a rattle. Thank you, Selma.
Moe: Yeah, great present, Selma. Nice of you to break a five.
Selma: Get a neck, Frankenstein.
Moe: Hey, open my present. Open my present. It's Uncle Moe's play tavern, with classic drunk Barney. Look, even the little toilet is broken.
Marge: I don't know if toy drunkards are an appropriate gift for a baby.
Moe: Sure they are. They even talk, look [flips switch on a Homer figurine].
Homer Figurine: I peed my pants.
Homer: I recorded that for private use!

Phaneron ★

Moe 'N' a Lisa - S18-E6

J. Jonah Jameson: Awe, that's sweet. I hate sweet. I need photos. Photos of Spider-Man!
Poetry Journal Assistant: This is a poetry journal.
J. Jonah Jameson: Okay then, poems about Spider-Man. And I want them finished before you start. And before you finish, get me some coffee. And the poems should have the following rhyme scheme: A-B-B-A-A-B-B-A-C-D-E-C-D-E. What are you waiting for, Chinese New Year?

Phaneron ★

Moe 'N' a Lisa - S18-E6

Poetry Journal Assistant: Chief, we just got a submission from a brilliant poet no-one's ever heard of.
J. Jonah Jameson: Huh, huh, hmm. Genius. Pay him nothing and run it on the cover. [Picks up phone] Stop the presses, send my wife some flowers, and bring me an Advil. What do you mean you don't work for me? You're hired. Now that you're hired, you're fired. Now that you don't work here, we can be friends. Now that we're friends, how come you never call? Some friend you are! [Hangs up] God, I love this business.

Phaneron ★

Homer Simpson in 'Kidney Trouble' - S10-E8

Marge: Aren't you going to give him the Last Rites?
Reverend Lovejoy: That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do a voodoo dance.
Lisa: Dr. Hibbert, I thought you located another kidney for Grampa?
Dr. Hibbert: Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now, and three hearts. We didn't want to give them to him, but he overpowered us.

Phaneron ★

Deep Space Homer - S5-E15

Kent Brockman: We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the spacecraft with average-naut Homer Simpson, and we'd like to... [an ant suddenly floats by the camera and appears to be large, Brockman and the Simpson family scream in response] Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but, uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair Spacecraft has apparently been taken over, conquered if you will, by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them, the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. Like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

Phaneron ★

Marge Simpson in 'Screaming Yellow Honkers' - S10-E15

Superintendent Chalmers: Well Seymour, it seems we've put together a baseball team, and I was wondering who's on first.
Principal Skinner: Yes, not the pronoun, rather a player with the unlikely name of "Who" is on first.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well that's just great Seymour, we've been out here six seconds, you've already managed to blow the routine!

Phaneron ★

The Principal and the Pauper - S9-E2

Superintendent Chalmers: The rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt.

Phaneron ★

Lisa on Ice - S6-E8

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Phaneron ★

Lisa Gets an A - S10-E7

Ralph: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers.

Phaneron ★

Radioactive Man - S7-E2

[A group of police K-9's begin tracking Milhouse based on his scent.]
Chief Wiggum: Okay, we can all stop worrying now. These dogs never fail.
Kirk: But, will they just find Milhouse, or will they find him and kill him?
Chief Wiggum: Well, they'll, when they find him, they'll um, they'll um um hum um hush num.
Kirk: Uh, excuse me, you didn't answer me. You just trailed off.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah. Yeah, I did kinda trail off there, didn't I?

Phaneron ★

Deep Space Homer - S5-E15

Homer: Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me.
Man on TV: [Pointing at the screen and laughing] You stupid! [Continues laughing]
Homer: D'oh!

Phaneron ★

Beyond Blunderdome - S11-E1

Female Studio Exec: How'd you get here from L.A. so fast?
Mel Gibson: John Travolta flew me in his jet. Now I have to help him move next weekend. He deliberately waited 'til we were in the air to ask me.

Phaneron ★

A Milhouse Divided - S8-E6

Otto: [Walking out of a kitchenware store called Stoner's Pot Palace] Man, that is flagrant false advertising!

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Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner - S11-E3

Homer: I don't need Lisa to write a good review. "The food at the Gilded Truffle really..." Uh, what's a good word?
Maggie: [Sucks on pacifier].
Homer: "Sucks." That's great. "And the bread was really..." Come on, help me out here.
Santa's Little Helper: Ruff.
Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.
Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
Homer: "Chewy," that's inspired.

Phaneron ★

A Star is Burns - S6-E18

Lisa: What you doin' Ma?
Marge: I'm looking for a film critic to help judge our festival. Did you know there are over 600 critics on TV, and Leonard Maltin is the best looking of them all?
Lisa: Ew!

Phaneron ★

The Trouble With Trillions - S9-E20

Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman live at the Springfield Post Office on Tax Day. It's literally the 11th hour, 10:00 PM, and tardy taxpayers are scrambling to mail their returns by midnight. Sir, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?
Otto: Taxes? Isn't this the line for Metallica?
Kent Brockman: Sir, uh, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?
Krusty the Clown: Because I'm an idiot. Happy?

Phaneron ★