25th Oct 2018
The Springfield Files - S8-E10
Kent Brockman: Tonight on eyewitness news: a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up.
Coma patient: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?
Kent Brockman: No, she won an Oscar and he's a congressman.
Coma patient: Good night! [Flatlines].
25th Oct 2018
Mayor Quimby: Welcome fans of America's favorite pastime: baseball?
11th Oct 2018
The Old Man and the Lisa - S8-E21
[Mr. Burns is grocery shopping for the first time and sees Krusty getting a box of Krusty O's]
Mr. Burns: Could you tell me where I might find the Burns O's?
Krusty: Sorry Pops, they don't put nobodies on cereal boxes.
Mr. Burns: [Looking at a box of Count Chocula] Well, I suppose this one looks a bit like me.
11th Oct 2018
11th Oct 2018
Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious - S8-E13
Young Rainier Wolfcastle: [singing a commercial jingle] Mein bratwurst has a first name. It's F-R-I-T-Z. Mein bratwurst has a second name. It's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.
11th Oct 2018
Treehouse Of Horror XVI - S17-E4
Mayor Quimby: And now the finalists for Best Costume. First, we have Blacula.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, because I'm black and I'm Dracula, that makes me Blacula?
11th Oct 2018
11th Oct 2018
[Bart is in class discreetly listening to an incarcerated Sideshow Bob on a talk radio show.]
Birch Barlow: I am going to make it my mission to see that our friend Bob is set free.
Bart: No!
Ms. Krabappel: Well, despite Bart's objections, the people of South Africa can now vote in free democratic elections.
5th Sep 2018
[Bart, Milhouse and Nelson have just finished watching the film "Naked Lunch."]
Nelson: I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.
5th Sep 2018
Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song - S5-E19
Principal Skinner: I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done, and then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through? [The scene jumps forward in time.] It was on the best-seller list for 18 months. Every magazine cover had it... [The scene jumps forward in time again.]...one of the most popular movies of all time, sir. What were you thinking? I mean thank you, come again.
16th Aug 2018
Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film "The Neverending Story."
11th Aug 2018
Skinner's Sense of Snow - S12-E8
Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes: $25,000 a year.
Bart: Let's see, he's 40 years old times 25 grand. Whoa, he's a millionaire.
Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one.
Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses.
Milhouse: He's a billionaire.
Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother? [All the kids laugh at him.] They're just not responding to logic anymore.
11th Aug 2018
Treehouse of Horror XIX - S20-E4
Nelson: Touch me and I'll cut your friend.
The Grand Pumpkin: What do I care? That's a yellow pumpkin.
Nelson: [Gasps] You're a racist.
The Grand Pumpkin: All pumpkins are racist. The difference is I admit it.
7th Aug 2018
[Krusty the Clown and Homer dressed up as Krusty are standing next to each other].
Legs: I'm seeing double here. Four Krustys.
7th Aug 2018
7th Aug 2018
Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5
Carl: Hey, I heard we're going to Ape Island.
Lenny: Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.
Charlie: Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?
Carl: Apes, but they're not so big.
26th Jul 2018
[A young Ned Flanders is tormenting other kids.]
Flanders: Wee, I'm Dick Tracy. Bam! Take that Pruneface. Now I'm Pruneface, take that Dick Tracy. Now I'm Prune Tracy, take that Dick Fa...
Dr. Foster: Ned, stop it at once.
15th Jul 2018
Burns' Heir - S5-E18
Lionel Hutz: I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Often as a lawyer.
10th Jul 2018
Tree House of Horror III: The Simpson's Halloween Special III - S4-E5
[Every character is throwing something into a bottomless pit.]
Homer: [Throws in evil Krusty doll] Goodbye dolly.
Italian Mobster: [Throws in dead body] Arrivederci, Vito.
Man: I was a fool to think anyone would want nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg. [Throws them into the pit, the pit throws them back out] What the?
9th Jul 2018
Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner - S11-E3
Luigi: Homer is out of control. He gave me a bad review. So my friend put a horse head in his bed. He ate the head and gave it a bad review. True story.
Captain McAllister: Arr, well I've had it with Homer. His bad reviews are sinking our businesses.
Akira: Then why did you put yours in the window?
Captain McAllister: Arr, it covered up the D from the health inspector.
Restaurant Owner: Well I say we ban Homer from our restaurants.
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we kill him.
Izzy: Now hold on a minute. Are we restaurateurs or are we murderers?
Captain McAllister: Does that answer your question? [Points to a plaque on the wall intended for Homer's head.]
Akira: We'll kill him at the Taste of Springfield Festival. Well give Homer all he can eat, 'til he can eat no more. Then he'll get his just dessert.
French Chef: [Showing a picture of an eclair] This will be Homer Simpson's last lagniappe.
Restaurant Owner: Come on, you're gonna kill him with a pastry? I've seen this man eat a bowl of change.
French Chef: This eclair is over one million calories, 25 lbs of butter per square inch, covered with chocolate so dark, light cannot escape its surface. [Everyone else drools and paws at the picture.] No, no, no. This is just a picture. But Homer Simpson will find the real thing both delicious and deadly.
Akira: Ah yes, death by chocolate. Ah ha ha ha.
French Chef: And poison. I'll stick in some poison.
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