Best comedy movie quotes of 2013

Gerri Dandridge: Hey kids, did Charley tell you everything he saw in my apartment last night?

Amanda Benson: Eww. It looks like 1973 died in here.

Don Jon: I never actually touch my cock 'til I find the right clip.

Allan: 99% honesty is the foundation of any relationship.

Alejandro: My mom is Jbuddist, which is Jewish slash Buddhist, and my father thinks that organized religion is for.

Maggie Blake: Listen, sweetie, I don't know the boy, but you have to be a bit of a dork to prefer math to a beautiful girl. You know what I'm saying?
Belle Blake: By the time I'm done with him, he won't be able to count on his fingers.

Katherine: Your Uncle Scott is old like, you know, me and your dad, but he still has a lot of growing up to do, like you guys.
Charles: I don't think Uncle Scott knows how to grow up.

Abbott McMullen: And don't you try to steal nothin'. I got eyes in the front of my head.
Deputy Winslow: Why don't you just offer me some fried chicken and watermelon while you're at it?
Abbott McMullen: I ain't got no food.

Dusty Crophopper: I've flown thousands and thousands of miles, and have never gone anywhere.

Julz: How much money do you need?
Paul: I'm still short about five hundred quid.
Julz: When is it?
Paul: In three weeks. I'm thinking about selling my body.
Julz: How will you get the other 498 pounds?

Meg: The other day, I'll have you know, a young man... tried to pick me up.
Nick: That doesn't surprise me... You're hot.
Meg: Thank you.
Nick: Hot, but cold.

Dom Hemingway: I'm Dom. Dom is English for "unlucky son of a bitch."

Mr. Papadopoulos: Simon, give Rudolph his arm back.

Greta: Are you really an A and R man? You look more like a homeless man.

Chris: Sometimes things that are really hard can be really rewarding because they're hard, you know.

Bill: It's not about the babes, boobs and blood.

Eva: I don't usually park in front of your house. I usually just drive by.
Albert: Sometimes I drive by your house, too.
Eva: You do?