Sam Shapiro: Writers are vampires. I'm waiting for the right girl to come along and make me a human being.
George: It takes time in the morning for me to become George, time to adjust to what is expected of George and how he is to behave. By the time I have dressed and put the final layer of polish on the now slightly stiff but quite perfect George I know fully what part I'm supposed to play.
Hua Mulan: I don't want to fight any more. I don't want to be a General. I want to be a normal person.
Wentai: Who wants to fight? I also don't want to fight any more! If I could use my life to stop this battle, I would have done it a long time ago! The problem is, we cannot choose. Once you put on a General's armour, your life is no longer your own.
Sheeni Saunders: Would you mind applying this to my exposed areas? Hmmm, get turned on easily? Don't stop, Nick. It's only natural. For all the world knows, my vagina could be moist with desire as we speak.
Nick Twisp and Francois Dillinger: Is it?
Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.
Étienne Balsan: A woman who cuts her hair, is about to change her life.
César Luciani: If you weren't spying, what were you doing? Making fun?
Malik El Djebena: If I was making fun, I'd never have told you.
Oliver: Wow, from here it kinda looks like you're wearing a stryper T-shirt.
Bliss Cavendar: Stryper? Yeah, 80's christian heavy metal. I mean in the name of jesus we rock.
Will Burton: So, how big is this whole bandslam thing around here?
Sa5m: Texas high school football big.