Ira Wright: Fuck Facebook in the face!
Leo: I just came back from the new Harry Potter movie. Harry's getting old. They should start calling him Harold Potter.
George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
George Simmons: She told me the same thing, when she was sucking my cock.
Laura: I used to do a lot of TV, like 90210. I always played bitchy parts.
Ira Wright: You must have been a good actress, because you don't seem like a bitch to me.
Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.
George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.
Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
Dr. Lars: Which movies?
George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.
George Simmons: Are you mad that you died at the end of Die Hard?
George Simmons: Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?
Mark: When my grandfather died, there was one candle next to his bed. And the candle started flickering. We all thought it was him going to Heaven, you know?
Leo: You don't pass through fire to get to Heaven. I think he went to Hell.
