Trudie: There may not be such a thing as a perfect job, a perfect life or a perfect family, but there is such a thing as a perfect moment. So I take back what I said. Doing one crazy thing probably does make you crazy, but it also can make you happy.
Feng: Ladies and Gentlemen. Athletes. I bid you Toodles.
Dan Burns: I don't want to go out with the pig... face.
Ralf Coleman: Then you tell me what you'd call a man who's stupid enough to piss off a maniac with a fucking loaded gun?
Bob Maconel: I'd call him a maniac with his own fucking loaded gun.
Tom Lefroy: Was I deficient in rapture?
Jane Austen: Inconsciousness.
Tom Lefroy: It was... It was accomplished.
Jane Austen: It was ironic.
Captain Wentworth: I have loved none but you. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this?
Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: Fuck off.
Alison Scott: What?
Ben Stone: What?
Therapist: Kids like fishsticks.
Kate: I can't believe I'm actually paying for these suggestions.
Briony Tallis, aged 13: Cee?
Cecilia Tallis: Yes?
Briony Tallis, aged 13: Why don't you talk to Robbie anymore?
Cecilia Tallis: I do. We just move in different circles, that's all.
Sir Amyas Paulet: The Queen orders these measures for your protection.
Mary Stuart: The Queen? I am a queen. They call her The Virgin Queen. Why is that, sir? Can it be that no man will have her?
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
George: What are you drinking, Bruiser? Oh, is that a bottle of Cock Block?
Florentino Ariza: Shoot me. There is no greater glory than to die for love.
Sugarman: I have seen him this crazy since his mother died.
Benji McGarvie: That's not "crazy," Mr. Sugarman. That's love.
Paige Hardwicke: Oh, let's see the new Colin Farrell movie.
Carter Webb: Oh, let's not.
Jean Paul Clement: Most people are together just so they are not alone. But some people want magic. I think you are one of those people.
Ben Murphy: Do you wanna walk the midget?
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Dennis: I can lose weight, but you'll always be an asshole!