Omer: You have been Omerized.
Ashley Albright: Ever since this masquerade bash, it's like I'm the Anti-Midas, and everything I touch turns to crap.
Brian Jackson: Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be clever. Some people are born clever, same way some people are born beautiful. I'm not one of those people.
Pam Campanella: What does a producer do?
Whitney Taylor Brown: Well, as... as my assistant Lincoln can tell you, there's a lot of telephone calls and... you know, lots of getting out the wallet. And paying for sometimes ridiculous things, like... like snacks.
Professor Sandiford: Now, everyone don't be so hard on Jerome. He is attempting to achieve the impossible. He is trying to sing in his own voice using someone else's vocal cords.
Male Receptionist: You made me want to be a woman.
Him: I have that effect on people.
Gary: I'm the one who should be sorry, Brooke. I shouldn't sit here and pick on your art, because you've got the 'nuts' down, Picasso! All you have to do is cut off your frigging ear.
Brooke: That's Van Gogh, you idiot. Your insults are much more effective when they're accurate.
Lyle: Son, I want you to have this. I want you to have my cock ring.
Charlie Goldfinch: Harvard will never accept me with a criminal record, and I am not going to community college.
Bartleby Gaines: What the hell happened?
Glen: An explosion of flavor. I'm working with some very unstable herbs.
Frank Jones: When I first got married to your mother, we barely knew each other. Could barely even speak the English language.
Julia Jones: But you're from Jersey.
Frank Jones: I'm trying to make a point here.
Templeton: Have you seen the pig next door? I think his mama was part hippo. If I had to name five of the fattest pigs I've ever seen, he'd be three of them.
Leslie Vernon: I don't keep pets that I can't eat.
Bully Kid Tubby: Hey, look. A baseball.
Screwie: Hey, look. The missing link.
Jenny Johnson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders: You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson: Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.
Mini: Follow your heart and don't question it, no matter where it tells you to go... It will open up a world of experiences you can't even imagine.
Eli: I've got two chicks back at my place who think I'm Moby.