Crystal Falls: You really don't care what people think, do you?
Dean Stiffle: No, I really don't.
Crystal Falls: That's a nice trick.
Dean Stiffle: Thanks, I studied in the far east.
Crystal Falls: Maybe you can show me how it's done?
Dean Stiffle: Step one? Years of ridicule.
Edward R. Murrow: Did you know that Shirley and Joe are married?
Fred Friendly: Yeah.
Edward R. Murrow: Did everybody know?
Ian Ziering: Come on, Bri. We're late, we're late.
Brian Austin Green: Dude, it's fucking Mapquest. I told you, never again with that piece of shit.
Veeck: Doll.
Lanny Morris: Having to be a nice guy is the toughest job in the world when you're not.
Chairman: Kindness we receive in our lives is not always enough.
Alex: You make sex often with American girl?
Jonathan: Not really.
Alex: What is mean by "not really?"
Jonathan: I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes either.
Alex: I have heard of this John Holmes. He has premium penis.
Jonathan: Yes, he did.
Alex: Everyne in Ukraine has penis like that.
Jonathan: Even the women?
Alex: You make joke, yes?
Jonathan: Yes.
Louis Howe: Why are you a Democrat?
Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The Democratic Party is the party of the people, and I'm a man of the people.
Louis Howe: You're a Roosevelt. Since when does a Roosevelt know about people?
Julian Noble: I'm as serious as an erection problem.
Bernard Berkman: Ivan is fine but he's not a serious guy, he's a philistine.
Frank Berkman: What's a philistine?
Bernard Berkman: It's a guy who doesn't care about books and interesting films and things.
Bernard Berkman: Your mother's brother Ned is also a philistine.
Frank Berkman: Then I'm a philistine.
Bernard Berkman: No, you're interested in books and things.
Pete Van Heuten: Yo-ho-ho, mofo.
Kham: Where the hell is my elephant?
Georges Laurent: Isn't it lonely, if you can't go out?
Georges' Mom: Why? Are you less lonely because you can sit in the garden? Do you feel less lonely in the metro than at home? Well then! Anyway, I have my family friend... with remote control. Whenever they annoy me, I just shut them up.
Walter Abrams: You know, the best part of the best drug in the world isn't the high. It's the moment just before you take it. The dice are dancing on the table. Between now and the time they stop, that's the greatest high in the world.
John Bell: You were always a sound sleeper.
Reporter: Conners, can we have a few words?
Quentin Conners: Yeah, I have two words for you. Blow me.
B.R.: Bitch!
Nick Naylor: Whore!
Coach Ken Carter: L came to coach basketball players, and you became students. L came to teach boys, and you became men.
Narrator: When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'.