Lola: The only thing I like more than money is... revenge.
Lucas: Your other weakness is ME.
Reuben Feffer: Ahh... rat in the house.
Polly Prince: That's not a rat, that's my ferret.
Dr. White: "Give me liberty or give me death." Patrick Henry, an American hero.
District commissioner #1: Apples and oranges.
Dr. White: In oranges and women courage is often mistaken for insanity.
Anna: I've met somebody who seems to be Sean... I really hoped that he was Sean. I wanted him to be Sean. But I knew he wasn't... The thing is, I'm falling in love with Sean again. That's what's happening. I need you to tell him to go away. Because I can't do it.
Nate Johnson: Nikki, this better be FTD, cuz this Russian tail is old enough to be yo' grandaddy.
Nikki Johnson: Not mom's big daddy.
Stepford Wife: I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Bobbi Markowitz: And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas.
Madam Suliman: It's time to put an end to this idiotic war.
Jack Byrnes: We use the Ferber method.
Bernie Focker: We use the Focker method. We hugged and kissed that little boy like there was no tomorrow. We Fockerized him.
Paul Rusesabagina: There will be no rescue, no intervention for us. We can only save ourselves. Many of you know influential people abroad, you must call these people. You must tell them what will happen to us... say goodbye. When you say goodbye, say it as if you are reaching through the phone and holding their hand. Let them know that if they let go of that hand, you will die. We must shame them into sending help.
Stacie: Who are you?
Yancy: Yancy. I'm Yancy. We had P.E. together all year.
Stacie: You're orange.
Farrah: Oh my god, Yancy, you are orange, you have too much presto tan.
Alex: Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things in a million years you never thought you'd see yourself do. There you are doing it... can't help it.
[A big grizzly bear has just appeared from the forest and is standing right in front of Tom, Dan and Jerry.]
Dan: What are you doing?
Jerry: I'm taking off my shoes.
Dan: Why?
Jerry: Because I run faster with no shoes.
Dan: You can't outrun that bear.
Jerry: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.
Ella: You know Char and his uncle are responsible for the segregation of the kingdom.
Hattie: Who cares, he's dreamy.
Uncle Max: I flinched, when I should have scurried.
Soz: I told him not to mention the elephant.