Lance: All I can find are these scrunchies.
Miles: Yeah and socks.
Russell: Cha-ching! I found bras.
Miles: Yeah.
Stepford Wife: I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Bobbi Markowitz: And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas.
Count Olaf: I must say, you're a gloomy looking bunch. Why are you so glum?
Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died.
Count Olaf: [nonchalantly.] Ah, yes. How very dreadful. Wait, let me do that one more time. Give me the line again while it's fresh in my mind.
Klaus Baudelaire: Our parents just died?
[Olaf pretends to be shocked.].
Lucas: Your other weakness is ME.
Jack Byrnes: We use the Ferber method.
Bernie Focker: We use the Focker method. We hugged and kissed that little boy like there was no tomorrow. We Fockerized him.
Dr. White: "Give me liberty or give me death." Patrick Henry, an American hero.
District commissioner #1: Apples and oranges.
Dr. White: In oranges and women courage is often mistaken for insanity.
Paul Rusesabagina: There will be no rescue, no intervention for us. We can only save ourselves. Many of you know influential people abroad, you must call these people. You must tell them what will happen to us... say goodbye. When you say goodbye, say it as if you are reaching through the phone and holding their hand. Let them know that if they let go of that hand, you will die. We must shame them into sending help.
Anna: I've met somebody who seems to be Sean... I really hoped that he was Sean. I wanted him to be Sean. But I knew he wasn't... The thing is, I'm falling in love with Sean again. That's what's happening. I need you to tell him to go away. Because I can't do it.
Alex: Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things in a million years you never thought you'd see yourself do. There you are doing it... can't help it.
Nate Johnson: Nikki, this better be FTD, cuz this Russian tail is old enough to be yo' grandaddy.
Nikki Johnson: Not mom's big daddy.
Tommy Johnson: What else are you gonna do on a Saturday? Sit in your fuckin' armchair wankin' off to Pop Idols? Then try and avoid your wife's gaze as you struggle to come to terms with your sexless marriage? Then go and spunk your wages on kebabs, fruit machines and brasses? Fuck that for a laugh! I know what I'd rather do. Tottenham away, love it.
Angelica: Rosalee, when great love is rejected something inside a man dies.
[A big grizzly bear has just appeared from the forest and is standing right in front of Tom, Dan and Jerry.]
Dan: What are you doing?
Jerry: I'm taking off my shoes.
Dan: Why?
Jerry: Because I run faster with no shoes.
Dan: You can't outrun that bear.
Jerry: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.
Maggie: All right, what part of "cover me" didn't we understand?
Roxy Ryan: Come on you can poopy, just a little one.
Dan Foreman: Guys, I feel very terrible about what I'm about to say. But I'm afraid your both being let go.
Lou: Let go? What does that mean?
Dan Foreman: It means you're being fired, Louie.
Uncle Max: I flinched, when I should have scurried.
Alan Tracy: Hey, Dad. That stuff the Hood said, about you leaving him to die. He was lying, right?
Jeff Tracy: No. See, you can't save everyone, Alan. It doesn't matter how hard you try or how brave you are. It doesn't even matter if it's someone you love, someone you'd give your life in a second to save. You just can't save everyone.
Alan Tracy: What was Mom like?
Jeff Tracy: She was a lot like you.