Dot: The guys paid a dollars apiece to find out if you're single.
Lydia Callahan: Tell the guys I have five husbands, each one rich, mean and jealous. I'll be rotatin' them through on a weekly basis.
Dot: That line will be all over the valley by breakfast.
Lydia Callahan: Oh, just tell 'em I own a rifle.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.
Kate: I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective.
Buddy Amaral: Your company. The pleasure of your company. I want your input on video rentals. I stand there for hours, I can't pick anything out. I want someone to say goodnight to, a last call of the day. I don't have a last call of the day. Do you?
Monica Jones: Melons are like boyfriends. Shall I tell you why? To get a single good one you must one hundred try.
Dora Diamond: I love self-loathing complaint rock you can dance to.
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.
Pam Byrnes: You never told me about your cat milking days in Motown.
Kelley: So that's it? You're just gonna die?
Sam: No. I'm going to live... just not as long as you.
Dracula: You cannot imagine what I've had to endure. I have borne the very wrath of God, chosen to suffer like no man before.
Ryan: I like that you look nervous sometimes for no reason. And when you do, you bite your lip. I like that you probably... rifled through your closet tonight... and settled with what you started out with. I like your smile.
Madeleine: Some things belong on paper, others in life. It's a blessed fool who can't tell the difference.
Sheila: Well Mr. Phipps, you are in perilous danger of turning me back into a heterosexual.
Jennifer: I wanna do laundry with you, Ryan.
William Granther: Always do what you wish you could.
Caption: He remembers those vanished years. As though looking through a dusty window pane, the past is something he could see, but not touch. And everything he sees is blurred and indistinct.
Ben: Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?
Robert: Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.
Simone 'Sissi' Schmidt: I wish I could have told the man his sweat smelled tasty. I guess he'd been sucking on a peppermint drop.
Charlie: I'm asking for an example of one of these dumb fucks being a dumb fuck.