Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.
Tommy: Well, that was absurd, let's eat dead bird.
Band Manager: The fuckin' monkeys?
Shannon Hamilton: You're sure you saw her get on?
T.S. Quint: Maybe she was getting off.
Luke: It's 1909 and you're alone with a young artist named Adolph. Do you kill him?
Lucy: If you fit into my pants I will kill myself.
Danny: MY cushion.
Rev. Robert Jones: Have you no shame?
Morgan the Goat: No... I can't think where I've left it.
Junior Healy: I'm getting out.
Ben Healy: You can't just get out of a moving vehicle.
Junior Healy: Well anything's better than listening to this lecture.
Lydia Mertz: Suzanne used to say that you're not really anybody in America unless you're on TV... 'cause what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if there's nobody watching? So when people are watching, it makes you a better person. So if everybody was on TV all the time, everybody would be better people. But, if everybody was on TV all the time, there wouldn't be anybody left to watch, and that's where I get confused.
Chad: What did you call me?
Nick: You heard me. I called you a "Hostess Twinkie motherfucker," motherfucker.
Darius: Just think of aids as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.
Max: Who is the boss between you and mommy?
Lenny Weinrib: Who is the boss? You have to ask that? I'm the boss. Mommy is only the decision maker.
Donald Patterson: Did I say that? I didn't say that! All I said was... bad things tend to happen around you two. Some money got lost and I think you two can help me find it.
Charlie: How so?
Donald Patterson: You look for it.
Lucille: I'm not shooting for a "successful" relationship at this point, I'm just looking for something that will prevent me from throwing myself in front of a bus. I'm keeping my expectations very very low.
Art Dodge: For me there is only Rimbaud.
Liz Kerner: Rimbaud? Why?
Betty Kerner: Well, it's obvious. He's the original. I mean, Seagal and Van Damme are just cheap imitations.
Newt Shaw: I'm your man.
Bruno Parker: I never saw anything funny that didn't cause pain.
Stuart Smalley: Because what they say is true - it's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.