Tommy Fawkes: Why do all the best things in life belong to the past?
Donald Patterson: Did I say that? I didn't say that! All I said was... bad things tend to happen around you two. Some money got lost and I think you two can help me find it.
Charlie: How so?
Donald Patterson: You look for it.
Stuart Smalley: Because what they say is true - it's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
Reginald Anson: Pleasant enough sort of place, isn't it?
George Garrad: I suppose so, considering it's Wales.
Nick: Bob, what the fuck is with that smoke, man? Whaddya got in there, a couple of hamsters blowing smoke rings, ferchrissakes?
Suzanne Stone Maretto: You're not anybody in America unless you're on TV. On TV is where we learn about who we really are. Because what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if nobody's watching? And if people are watching, it makes you a better person.
Emma: I hate this uniform, it makes me look 14.
Meg: You are 14.
Emma: Exactly.
Art Dodge: For me there is only Rimbaud.
Liz Kerner: Rimbaud? Why?
Betty Kerner: Well, it's obvious. He's the original. I mean, Seagal and Van Damme are just cheap imitations.
Newt Shaw: I'm your man.
Tom Sawyer: Muff's innocent Huck, we gotta help him.
Huck Finn: We ain't gotta do nothing.
Tom Sawyer: You'd let him hang for something he didn't do.
Huck Finn: It ain't no skin off my back.
Calvin Fuller: Look, Your Majesty, I don't want to insult you or anything, but are you nuts? This isn't the castle. This is the real, in-your-face, carjacking, drive-by-shooting, kill-you-for-your-Reeboks street life.
Paul Benjamin: Slow down, huh?
Auggie Wren: That's what I recommend. You know how it is. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Time creeps in its petty pace.
Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.
Band Manager: The fuckin' monkeys?
Luke: It's 1909 and you're alone with a young artist named Adolph. Do you kill him?
Danny: MY cushion.
Ted the Bellhop: I'm in a situation I can't begin to explain.
Junior Healy: I'm getting out.
Ben Healy: You can't just get out of a moving vehicle.
Junior Healy: Well anything's better than listening to this lecture.
Joanne: You're calling me a freak?
Tommy: No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.