Lucille: I'm not shooting for a "successful" relationship at this point, I'm just looking for something that will prevent me from throwing myself in front of a bus. I'm keeping my expectations very very low.
Newt Shaw: I'm your man.
Bruno Parker: I never saw anything funny that didn't cause pain.
Luke: People disappear all of the time.
Jude: Especially in Iowa. We probably saved him from an alien abduction.
Stuart Smalley: Because what they say is true - it's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
Tom Sawyer: Muff's innocent Huck, we gotta help him.
Huck Finn: We ain't gotta do nothing.
Tom Sawyer: You'd let him hang for something he didn't do.
Huck Finn: It ain't no skin off my back.
Ah Keung: You are all garbage.
Calvin Fuller: Look, Your Majesty, I don't want to insult you or anything, but are you nuts? This isn't the castle. This is the real, in-your-face, carjacking, drive-by-shooting, kill-you-for-your-Reeboks street life.
Ox Callahan: Jesus Christ, Jack, you're running the business.
Jack: That's something I'd like to talk to you about.
Midge Callaghan: Talk about that later ok?
Mary Callaghan: Talk about it now, he can't kill you in church.
Paul Benjamin: Slow down, huh?
Auggie Wren: That's what I recommend. You know how it is. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Time creeps in its petty pace.
Donald Patterson: Did I say that? I didn't say that! All I said was... bad things tend to happen around you two. Some money got lost and I think you two can help me find it.
Charlie: How so?
Donald Patterson: You look for it.
Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.
Lenny Weinrib: Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body.
Band Manager: The fuckin' monkeys?
Reginald Anson: Pleasant enough sort of place, isn't it?
George Garrad: I suppose so, considering it's Wales.
Junior Healy: I'm getting out.
Ben Healy: You can't just get out of a moving vehicle.
Junior Healy: Well anything's better than listening to this lecture.
Suzanne Stone Maretto: You're not anybody in America unless you're on TV. On TV is where we learn about who we really are. Because what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if nobody's watching? And if people are watching, it makes you a better person.