Ace Ventura: Aaalll righty then.
Sarah: People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the Land of the Dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can not rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the crow can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right.
Howard Payne: See, I'm in charge here! I drop this stick, and they pick your friend here up with a sponge! Are you ready to die, friend?
Harry: Fuck you!
Howard Payne: Oh! In two hundred years we've gone from "I regret but I have one life to give for my country" to "Fuck you!"?
George: Excuse me, sir, can I help you? Oh, Mr. Swinton, I didn't recognize you.
Stewart: I'm here to see Miss Alden, George.
George: Well, I'm afraid I'll have to call. May I ask your business with Miss Alden?
Stewart: My business is pleasure, George. Does she look like the fuck of the decade or what?
Robert Englund: I think they'd like to see us together again.
Heather Lagenkamp: In what? A romantic-comedy?
Robert Englund: Just because it's a love story doesn't mean it can't have a decapitation or two.
Carol: Oh, I guess we should stop, 'cause Harold has to pee.
Rudy Travis: Get back in the front. Get back up there with Harold! Get up there.
Harold Carvey, DVM: I don't want to play... this game... anymore.
Rudy Travis: You pee in your pants.
Mike Swale: I'm starting to feel like a.
Bridget Gregory: Sex object?
McComb: Elections are won with television. You don't need the press, you don't need endorsements, you don't even need the truth. You need money.
Roy: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, so sayeth the Psalms.
Judge Harry Roosevelt: That's Proverbs 12:22.
Mickey: The media is like the weather, only it's man-made weather.
Bison: Dee Jay, has the AN deposited the twenty million in my Swiss bank?
[Dee Jay checks and finds the account empty.]
Dee Jay: Hell no, General.
Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?
Cole: Stevie Wonder could follow these tracks.
Alex Law: Look over there! It's Cameron.
Juliet Miller: Who?
Alex Law: Cameron. You remember Cameron.
Juliet Miller: No, I don't.
Alex Law: What's he doing here?
Juliet Miller: That's not him.
Alex Law: It is. Cameron! Cameron! Come on over here! Come on.
Cameron: What?
Alex Law: Nothing. We thought you were someone else. Good luck. (Cameron leaves.) I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Richard "Ditch" Brodie: What's Russian for 'ass'?
Chris Morrow: Schzopa.
Richard "Ditch" Brodie: Well, stop blowing smoke up my schzopa.
Hector Martinez: You're talkin' to me about an issue of confidentiality?
Dr. Bill Capa: Similar to the Miranda oath.
Hector Martinez: If a friend of mine got killed and the only thing between the killer and me was Miranda you know what I would do? Huh? I'd fuck Miranda up the ass. But don't tell anybody, because it's a matter of confidentiality.
John Trent: God's not supposed to be a hack horror writer.