Bill: You got the wrong file. When have I ever been a teacher?
Beverly: Look, you've got a Masters degree, that means you can teach.
Bill: No it doesn't. No, it only means hypothetically that I could.
Beverly: Come on, Bill. Now it's a good job. Six weeks. A decent salary. And you get to live there.
Bill: Beverly, I...I'll get my head blown off. Do you know how many kids carry guns to school these days?
Beverly: In this case all of them. I guess you didn't get to the "where" part.
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Vera Johnson: People like you come and go, Carly. You mean just one less Christmas card to me.
Ed: I gotta ask this question, or I wouldn't be doing my job. Would you care to comment on the rumor that you, uh, arranged for an automobile to be purchased for Neon Bodeaux?
Coach Bell: You know [sighs]. You know, Ed, you've just gotta get your mind out of the gutter. You know, you just gotta to start thinking straight. I mean, it's right there in front of you. For christsake, it wasn't an automobile. I mean, it was a fully loaded Lexus.
Ludwig van Beethoven: It is the power of music to carry one directly into the mental state of the composer.
Ty Cobb: Baseball is a red blooded sport for red blooded men. It's no pink tea, and molly-coddles had better stay out... It's a struggle for supremacy, a survival of the fittest.
Kitty Potter: This is fucking fruitcake time. I mean - is that fashion, is it? I mean is there a message out there? I mean you got lot of naked people wandering around here.
Yvonne Biasi: Who wants ice cream on their pie? Who wants pie?
Bailiff: All Rise.
Judge Marcus: To hell with that, let's go.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner, maybe?
Vampira: You mean a date? I thought you were a fag.
Edward D. Wood, Jr.: No, no, I'm just a transvestite.
Pauline Parker: I felt thoroughly depressed and even quite seriously considered committing suicide. Life seemed so much not worth the living and death such an easy way out.
Honorah Parker Rieper: Love, you can still write to each other.
Pauline Parker: Anger against Mother boiled up inside me, as it is she who is one of the main obstacles in my path. Suddenly a means of ridding myself of this obstacle occurred to me. If she were to die.
Doug Chesnic: Don't you see? If he is involved, then her life is worthless, you understand? They had to fucking kill her.
Account Guy: Stempel is an underdog. You know, people root for that. It's a New York thing.
Martin Rittenhome: Queens is not New York.
Warden: Was there something you wanted to add?
Robbins: Don't ever turn your back on me again.
Aboriginal Man: So... You actually make money by dressing up like a woman?
Tick: Oh, sure. You can make a fine living in a pair of heels.
Dorothy Parker: I'll wear my heart on my sleeve like a wet, red stain.
Vada: Shelly's already told me all about about sex.
Harry Sultenfuss: She told me too. I mean, she told me she told you about sex. I - I personally knew about sex long before I met Shelly.
Vada: I figured you did.
Tony Hoyle: Let the law take these guys down. You know, sometimes the law works.
Paul Kersey: And sometimes it doesn't! These people, they steal, they murder, they destroy people's lives and they get away with it! They have alibis, money, lawyers, power. They have everything.
Susan Hendler: Of course everyone knows! I'm so old fashioned, I greet my employees with a handshake.
Roarke: How come you're on his side?
Gail: I'm not on anybody's side, I'm on everybody's side, I'm the mother.