Roland T. Flakfizer: Behind every great man there is a woman, and thank heaven I have Lillian Oglethorpe because, quite frankly, I enjoy the shade.
Peter: I believe I am what is commonly termed bisexual, which is by the by because actually I no longer sleep with men or women. But if I did, I promise you, you'd be right up there on my wish list, together with Michelle Pfeiffer and... River Phoenix.
Dick Nelson: That's my wife you got there! That's my planet you're blowing up! And that's... that's just some guy I met, but still, I think this thing has gone just a little too far.
June: Why don't you put me in the hot springs and see if I melt?
Rennie: No matter where you at, there you is.
Tracy Cross: You think I like taking my clothes off in front of all those people? It makes me sick to my stomach.
Chris Cross: Then stop!
Tracy Cross: Honey... sometimes in life you gotta' do things that aren't so good... to get what is good. (00:50:15)
Ed Leland: Do you know what you're getting yourself into, Linda?
Linda Voss: Yeah, the war.
Jack Eliot: We're not athletes, we're baseball players.
Pathologist: Some nights there's so much farting and belching in here, it's like being in a ballpark.
Scott: Wow. He really has beautiful ears.
Rain's Mother: We're tremendous fans of yours, we wish you'd still write those funny short, you know, funny, sad stories that you wrote.
Captain Soames: What?
Sheriff Ira: Cold Draft.
Captain Soames: Could you use one right now?
Gabe: That's a picture of my mum. Isn't she beautiful? Everyone says I look like her. I'm not saying I'm good looking, I'm not saying that, but we do look alike. She's dead now. Was a car accident. She had her head chopped off. I think it's good to be able to talk about these things without cracking up, you know. Besides I know she's still with me somehow. I think that when I have kids, she will be one of them, sort of reincarnated.
Paul Matthews: Well, I'd like to tell you that 5 minutes after I kissed Diane she came running out into my arms and that we fell in love forever, but that's not what happened.
Paul Matthews: It took six minutes.
Lane Bodine: I've never met anyone like you... you're honest, even when you lie.
Montoya Santana: Whatever I did to you or to mama... to make you hate me, I'm sorry.
Pedro Santana: Your mother was a beautiful woman. She made me feel proud. She was 19 years old. Raped... by sailors. After it happened, we never talked about it. Then we got married and we tried to forget. When you were born, I tried to love you. But every time I looked at you, I wondered who your real father was. I wondered which sailor's blood you carried inside of you.